trustinghimonly

Blogging Again: Being Thankful

2011-11-16T20:57:00.003-05:00

It has been a while since I last blogged but I feel it is time to pick it back up. Blogging is a way of releasing my thoughts, frustrations, concerns and just at times journaling. At times I may even post questions that make you think about different topics.

Since we are a week before Thanksgiving let me start with expressing my gratitude, thankfulness and utmost appreciate for everything in my life. First, God has granted me this life I live with both the good/bad and to be free from so much of what this world offers. He has given me salvation and a promise to one day be in his presence doing what I was designed to do which is worship him. Each and every day is a blessing because he allows me to wake up and start the new day fresh and new. I will continue this each day from now until Thanksgiving.

I am Thankful for loving parents that love and support me in every aspect of life. Even though I am grown and have moved out of the house they still want to feed, clothe and give me shelter. They are parents that even when I mess up they still love me. If I had the option to chose my parents I would have chosen Claire and George but instead God chose them for me. What an awesome job he did giving me my parents.

I am also thankful for my siblings Angie and Tommy. Growing up we may have fought a lot but I think that is what gave us character. Well, at least it gave the strength I needed to stand up for myself. Now that we are older we see things and do things differently. My sister and brother are now close friends. They encourage me, support me, and listen to me.

I am thankful for the rest of my family; aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, in-laws (sister and brother that is) and my niece and nephews. Each and every one of them adds spice to my life.

I am thankful to have a roof over my head and a car that takes me place to place. I am thankful to have a job again doing what I am called to do which is teaching. I am thankful that I teach in a private school where I can pray for, with and over my students. A place where I can teach them how much God loves them and wants to give them eternal life.

To be continued........

Termination

2010-09-01T00:47:00.002-04:00

On August 3rd the members of the school board voted to terminate teachers under the No Child Left Behind Act of being Highly Qualified. i wont go into detail about that but will explain every thing else.

For several months now I have questioned if being a teacher was really my calling and if so why is this so difficult for me to get past. Why had I not been able to pass this test? Had I really missed my calling? Had I done something so bad that would cause this to happen? What am I being punished for? These are the questions that would haunt my thought every day and every night. Sleep had become an enemy and I would lie awake for hours wondering what I would do and how I would get past this. I would sometime cry myself to sleep if I fell asleep and wake up the next morning feeling confused, lost and empty. I had talked with a number of people about me keeping my job but no one was willing to help. By the end of July I was over the point of wow is me, because I at that point had done all that I knew I could do. I was now more concerned for my students. (By no means am I saying I was the best teacher.) I was concerned in that aspect of who would they trust, who would be there for them and fight for them, who would guide them not only through school but assist with guiding them through life, who would show the concern to ask are you ok/do you need to talk. My heart just broke into a million pieces because I knew it would take a long time for the students to trust like that again. I loved my students as if they were my own children and would do my best to care for them the way a mother would care for her children. I wasn't always successful with this but one thing my students knew what that I loved them and would do what I could to help them. I miss them so.

The first day of school was a very hard day in that I knew my former students would have questions about where I was and they would not get the complete truth. Who was going to teach my student math and care about what they were learning and provide them with what they needed to better themselves as students and individuals. This past Saturday afternoon I ran into one of my students and she came up to me and gave me a big hug and asked where I was that she had looked all over the school for me. I briefly explained as much as I could and the reaction was heart breaking. She was mad I was no longer there and told me she missed me. Holding back the tears I told her that I missed her and everyone else and to tell them all hello. She gave me another hug before she walked away and as she walked away I took a big deep breathe and said "I am suppose to be teaching, this is what I am meant to be doing." At this point I refuse to allow some man/law tell me I cant do what I was called to do. I havea hurdle to jump and eventually I will jump it and get past this.

To my students if you ever read this:
I am so sorry I am not there to take you by the hand and guide you through math. It was not my choice to leave and if I could I would be there tomorrow. I will try my best to come see you but know that it will be hard to see you knowing that I can't teach you. I am and will always be here for you if you need anything. I ask others about you daily and only hope that you will one day understand how much I care about you. I hope to one day be able to brag that you were once my student and look at the success and that you have accomplished. I wont give up if you wont give up. Forever your teacher!

Never Let Go!

2010-09-01T00:29:00.002-04:00

Back in June I wrote a post about letting someone very dear to me go and telling them goodbye forever. Well, to this day as much as I have thought about it, I have never been able to bring myself to letting go. I have asked the question of why I can't let go. We go for weeks without talking but when we finally talk, it is like no time has ever passed by. I do believe there is a reason why I have never truly let go completely and why he has never let go either. Here is why.

Do you believe that people have such a connection with someone that they can sense when something is wrong? I do believe that because over the past several years when they have been on my mind it usually means something has happens and when I do talk to them I hear all about what good or bad thing that have happened. This past weekend I had a funeral, which was the second one within a month, and I do not do well at funerals either. After the funeral I get a text asking if I was ok, now I have not talked to them in almost a month and on this day to have them text me meant a lot to me. Now, to me, this proves there is a connection because they sensed something was going on. Once I was able to explain the events that had happened I realized that I didn't say goodbye because we have a connection to each other. I am grateful I didn't because this is a relationship/friendship that will last a life time. I do consider myself to be blessed for having them in my life and for them being there for me. I guess just like in the marriage vows "for better or worse" well I think this should be vows for friendship as well. I have always believe that your spouse should be your best friend, maybe one day this will turn into my spouse and my best friend. He is already my best friend.

I looked up the definition of friend and it described us to a tee, then I looked up the definition of love and although it doesn't fit every aspect of us we do love each other unconditionally and do not hold anything against each other. I accept him just the way he is and he the same with me. Will it turn into a committed relationship, who knows but I do know that it is a life long friend that I will not say goodbye to. I love you and always will. Thank you for who you are and for being my forever friend!

What, How, When: Now What?

2010-07-02T00:02:00.003-04:00

Well, where do I start? I was notified a while back about a new law that came into play that requires I be certified in general academic area. Now I have a four year degree; graduated from UNF with a Bachelors in Special Education. I teach students with learning disabilities and have now for 6 years. However, I teach a math subject and because this is a core academic subject I have to be certified now in that academic. Here is the kicker, my students are not even at that academic level or will graduate with a standard diploma. This makes no sense. Oh, here is something that makes even less sense. This law came into effect in 2002 and Duval County waited until 2004 to start to do anything about it. When they started this I was in my first year of teaching and those teachers already teaching were given (grandfathering) a HOUSSE plan which gave the the Highly Qualified status. Now, in my fifth year of teaching (last march) I was notified of this and started working towards becoming HQ. I took two different tests and for the life of me have not been able to pass them. I have purchased books, met with a tutor, gone online and done tutorials online, printed off worksheets online, purchased study guides from the Department of Education and still have not passed. I am so frustrated at this point.

I feel like I am caught in this valley and I am so deep that I do not know how to begin to climb out. I think about the amount of money that I have spent so far and it makes me sick to my stomach. How can you terminate someone that loves what they do, that loves their students? I do not understand! I am by no means the best teacher but I definitely am not the worst either. I felt I was making progress with my students both personally and academically. I see the lack of consistency they have in their lives already with parents leaving them, friends leaving and just having no one there to care for them. Now here I am in this situation that will not be returning and they have been given no explanation as to why. I wont be able to tell them listen, this is what is happening and I am being forced to leave, it is not my choice but someones choice for me. I don't know which hurts worst; the idea of not having a job or the idea of my students being upset with me because they do not understand why I wont be there. It breaks my heart.

We say we do things for the betterment of students, but really how is this bettering our students. Please do not get me wrong when I say this but I am a good teacher and if you would come into my room and watch what goes on on a daily basis you would say "we do not need to worry about this lady and the test, she has this and her students are learning." Nope, instead they are going to sit in their nice office upfront or downtown and never come in to see what I do with my students. They are not going to know that I am not only a teacher but a counselor, a friend, a confidante, their cheerleader, their support group, sometimes I even have been the parent, academic advisor, and nurse. Teaching is not a 9-5 job where you can pack your things up at the end of the day and forget about it until the next day, no those of us that care about our students worry about them when they leave us, how are they going to get home, what will they eat for dinner, who will wash their clothes, will they get beaten up at home or on the streets. I cant begin to tell you the stories of my students over the years and it seems to only get worse. Oh not to toot my own horn but did I mention we sometimes provide the necessities of life as well, food, clothing and money. Well, those are just a few of the things I have done but yet because I do not have an extra piece of paper you want to terminate me. Ok! Then you come in and do what has been done and deal with what needs to be dealt with. Go ahead, support that students whose best friend was killed, counsel that girl that just found out she is pregnant and doesn't know how to tell her parents, explain to that student how for their safety you had to call DCF on the moms boyfriend because he beat the student up and the student is being removed from the home, explain to that student how they are being moved from one foster home to another and why the first home took all of their clothes, explain to that child why they cant live out on the streets, explain to that student why they were abandoned, explain to that student why his Dad refuses to look at him or has nothing to do with him. Yeah, it is hard but I loved what I did and I loved my students. I strive to make a difference. Yeah, I was told that I was never going to reach all of my students but I sure was going to try my best to reach all of them. If I made a difference in one of my students lives then I guess I did my job. I surely do not want to leave it at that, I want to continue, I want to make an impact in the lives of students. I believe that I was truly placed here to do what i am doing, this is my calling but man is making this calling impossible.

So, here is what I ask: Why haven't I been able to pass these tests? What is it that is keeping me from this? If this is my calling then why is it so difficult? What have I done that has caused this to happen? Is this really what I am suppose to be doing? God why are you putting me in this situation? Why am I having a hard time resting in know that things will work out, that you are in control? I want to understand but yet I am scared to see the bigger picture. Every one says that something better will come along, how will it come and when? I just want to know that in August when school starts back that I will be teaching and that all of this will be behind me. Jeremiah 29:11; God do you really have a plan? How will this work out? Can man screw up the plan that God has, either me personally or someone else? Proverbs 3:4-5 tells me to trust Him and he will direct my paths, where is this path taking me, I thought I was on the path you wanted me on, but now I have been taken off path? I am not trying to understand this on my own, I know I can't do this alone, but when I have asked for your help I feel as though I have hit a brick wall. I know I am not alone but it sure feels that way. I call out but I feel like all I hear is my echo, God won't you show me what to do or where to go, or how I am suppose to get through this?

I NEED YOUR HELP!

Letting Go

2010-06-21T00:26:00.002-04:00

I never thought I would ever say goodbye but I am feeling more and more like this is what I have to do. I know this is not what I want but at the same time it fits. I deserve more! Please do not take that statement as me being conceited but I deserve someone that will be there for me and want to spend time with me. You say "I love you" but the actions do not back up what you say. Maybe this is convenient for both of us, or maybe you know that no matter what I will always be there for you. Well, to a point that is true, I would be there for you no matter what and with no strings attached. I know how I feel about you and when I say " I love you" I mean with ounce of my being and unconditionally. I do believe that you are better than what people have ever said about you. You have a heart like no other but for some reason it has become hard and cold and you keep people at a distance. Maybe I should say when you are ready to be loved the way you deserve to be loved and can love completely in return then I will be there. I would say that I would wait for you forever because I have waited for you for quit some time now but I cant, I just don't think this is what is suppose to happen. I know you are probably wondering why I am saying all of this and that you would be the one to walk away from me but it is time I let you go completely. I know you will probably not be hurt from this but I will be. It will take time but eventually I will get past this. I hope one day you will look back a realize what we could have been and how good things could have been. There will be things that I do that I will think of you and when that happens I hope that I come to your mind. I hope that you will miss me as much as I will miss you. I hope that there will be some remorse in you about how all of this has turned out. I don't want to let go but I know I have to do this because I can't hold on forever to something that will not be there completely. I don't think it will be there completely for you with any one ever.

You know that I have and would always love you unconditionally and would make you happy.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER!
GOODBYE!

Plan B but God's got Plan A

2010-05-02T20:51:00.003-04:00

I just watched a video about a couple who had lost their child and a book called Plan B by Pete Wilson. Now, I haven't read the book yet but from the messages I have heard and the pieces of the book I have heard here and there I am sure it is a great eye opening, life evaluating book. As I type out this blog I think; does God have a plan B or was this the plan from the get go and I just put in place things that I wanted. Here is where I am going with this.
You see, I am a teacher and I have a test that will determine my job for next year, if I pass the test I keep my job, if I do not pass the test then come June 30th I will be terminated. So, here is what I think. Please don't get me wrong I absolutely love teaching and I love my students; yes even the ones that are or can be ill behaved. I think sometimes why I haven't passed the test I my only response has been because I am stupid. Well, maybe but after this video I am thinking of Plan B maybe this wasn't what God had in-store for me in the first place and I just took a detour of what I wanted to do. Finally God maybe saying "Jenny, you have done what you wanted and I have let you but now Plan B which was really my Plan A needs to come to fruition. I think I have said it before but I do not think I really meant it but I have said "God I need your help and whatever your will" but today I say "God if this isn't your plan A then show me and allow me to have peace with this to know you will take care of me no matter what the results". I do know that you will take care of me and provide for me as you always have, my biggest thing is I need to trust you to the utmost extinct and not think or rely on myself because obviously I will screw everything up. God stand beside me, hold my hand and give me your Plan A and never allow me to look back. I need you more than I have never realized before. I know in the end this will be a lesson learned and I pray that when the lesson is learned you will get the praise and glory from it because you are not a coincidental God but a God of purpose and from the beginning you have had a plan for my life. I want to grab hold of your plan and not mine. I want to walk in your footsteps every step of the way allowing your guidance and your steps to place me where you want me.

Jeremiah 29:11"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not harm you and plans to give you hope and a future."

Heart broken!

2010-03-09T20:46:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I last blogged and have wanted to for some time now. So, here I am back at it.

Today as I sit in-front of this computer my heart aches for several different reasons. Where do I begin? I will start with the feeling of being helpless. A while back, maybe two years ago, I got some news about a friend of mine and for the past 8months or so it has been heavy on my heart. I don't know what to say, or even what to do, I just want to fix everything and make it ok. I feel helpless and I don't like this feeling. I have recently thought about joining a group to raise money and have since started the effort/process. I want to visit my friend but I don't want to break down when I see him, I know myself all to well. I know what I have to but I need the comfort and peace of the Father to dwell within me to get through it. How do I help, how do I let him and his family know that I am here for what ever they need? I wish I had millions of trillions of dollars to fix this, to give to them, or whatever is needed. I know money is not the answer but right now I do know it would and could help. If you read this please pray for my friend and the family.

My next person on my heart is friend's mother who was diagnosed with cancer. Yesterday she went through surgery. I do not know a lot of details other than she pulled through surgery and will be in the hospital a few days. I do not like to see my friend or any one for that matter deal with such sickness. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as well. Taylor family.

Third, I found out some information that maybe I shouldnt have. I would like to be a person that never places judgement on anyone for things they have done whether past or present. God excepted me just the way I am and I hope that I am able to be as accepting as God is towards me. I really want to reach out to this person and show them the love that Christ has shown me. I know that this person needs to come back to church and I have since extended the invitation to him and I can only pray that God will bring him back to worship. We all make mistakes in life and fall hard but our heavenly Father is right there to pick us up and dust us off and hold our hands through it all never ever saying what a horrible person we are, or how could we, or what were you thinking, and he never turns his back and just walks away. Instead he extends his hand shows us unconditional love and acceptance. Why is it so hard for us to not judge others and accept them for who they are and not what they do or did? Unconditional love is what I want him to see and experience.

Lastly, just when I think all is good and possible; I let my guard down thinking it would all be ok. Wow, was I wrong. So many emotions that I had suppressed for a little while are now right back in my face. So, here is the story in short. being stood up is a horrible feeling. My first thought was, is he ok? Then I allowed my anger to build and I just want to yell but then my heart comes into play and it starts to hurt. When I finally hear something and know that he is ok, I then have the thoughts of what is wrong with me, did I say or do something wrong, did I misunderstand what was said, red into something that wasnt there. Oh well, maybe I should just go back to being me and not worrying about anything else. The past few weeks, closer to a month now, I keep hearing the verse in Genesis where God says it is not good for Adam to be allow and he created Eve to be with Adam. I know this but it is still hard to be patient. I am reminded of everything that I learned while going through the study of Esther. It is all about God's timing and him knowing what is right and when it is right. I know through all of this I am learning patience, and to trust God but there are times when I know I am weak and I just want to scream out, why?! One day I will have the answers but only when God is ready to reveal them to me.

In looking back at every thing I have just mentioned I know there is a plan for each and every life. The hard part is being able to share with everyone that there is a lesson learned from all of this, even in sickness. Showing people how to have faith and trust that God is in control is probably harder than any thing else. So, if you are reading this I have a list of prayer requests.

Healing from cancer and ALS
Peace, Comfort, Grace, Love
Acceptance
Patience
wisdom
faith
boldness
courage
letting go
work-test (personally for me)

An Opportunity!

2009-12-16T11:56:00.002-05:00

I think as Christians we always want that opportunity to share Christ with someone. There are times when we leave from some where and kick ourselves for never saying a word to that person about God. Well, today the opportunity was before me. I had a student ask "why do we have Christmas?" I didn't hesitate and just went right into explaining that Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. She then asked where Santa Claus fit in. So, I pulled up some information and explained that as well. I also explained the that candy cane story which got into the virgin birth, sin and how Christ died for the sins of the world. The white was for purity and the red stripes were for the beating that Jesus took.

Let me back up for a second. The first thing was my students had a journal entry that read " What is the ultimate gift?" One student asked if I had ever heard the song Mary Did You Know, and I explained that it was my favorite Christmas song. He came over and sat by me and told me that he was singing that song on Sunday at his church. I asked if it would bother him if I came to hear him sing, so Sunday I will go to Hope Baptist Church to hear my student sing Mary Did You Know. Several of the students were asking what kind of song it was, so I pulled it up and played it for them. I think that is what prompted the question of Why do we have Christmas.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share with my students.

Getting Older

2009-09-30T12:00:00.003-04:00

I am not saying this because I want sympathy or wishes but my birthday is coming up next Friday and I am so not happy about it. Please do not get me wrong I am so grategul that God has blessed me with another year of life but I am so frustrated with where I am not that it is making me depressed. I do not think I have ever suffered or have dealt with depression but I am and feel that I have been since the end of the school year. This stinks. Let me explain where I am going with this and why I feel the way that I feel.

I have always dreamt of being married and having children. I remember has a child talking about when I would get married and when I would have my first child. Yes, I know we can not predetermine when all these things will take place but most girls dream these ideas. I wanted to get married at the age of 25 and have my first child at the age of 27. Well, none of this has happened. I will be turning 35 and I ask the question why have I wanted this and never had the chance to experience it. I walk down the halls of my school (where I teach) and see young girls pregnant and I ask, "God, why are they able to have a kid and I am not?" then my heart starts to feel heavy. Yes, I know it is a consequence for their actions and they are going about it the worng way but still, come on. I go to the mall or out to dinner and I see couples holding hands or with their arms around each other, and ask, "why am I not in a relationship?" I want to have that relationship. I have always said that I am not settling and I am rethinking that, almost the right time the right place. No lectures please! I am frustrated with my self and God, why won't he give this to me, what haven't I done for him to not to allow me to be in a relationship and have children? I am tired of people telling me you are still young you can have children even after 40, no I won't. I do not want to be older and have children for many reasons. I have thought about adopting but I do not think it is fair to the child because it is difficult as a single parent to raise and child and it is not fair to me because I wouldn't have the support needed to raise a child. Plus, a child needs both a mom and a dad. Could I raise a child on my own, more than likely but again I want my child to have both parents. So, when I see children my heart breaks because I long to have a family of my own. When I am with my family and their children are around I am sad because I do not get to experience this. I think I have finally come to realize that I am not having children and I am some what ok with that thought, but it still hurts at times.

As far as not having a spouse; there are days that I am grateful I am still single but then there are the days that I would like to come home and have someone there. When I have had a bad day it; would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on or the arms that will hold you. When tragedy takes place is when I want this more than ever. A friend called me the other day to check on me, which I was having a horrible day but wouldn't express it to him. He continued to ask and finally I said to him, "I have learned to deal with stress, and everything else on my own, so telling you is not going to do any good." This was wrong, I should have opened up but I couldn't. I know that I have friends and family that are there for me but it is different. I want all that comes with beng in a relationship. I want the right relationship, a man that is going to love me no matter what, that will be there for me in all situations, that will drop whatever so that he can be there for me. WHY DON'T I HAVE THIS?????? I feel like I am at a point in my life that this is the next thing. So, where is he? No one has answers for me and I dont really expect any one to give me an answer or to even say they understand what I am feeling. No, you may be in the same situation but I really don't think you know what or how I am feeling.

Sorry, I know I have some what vented but this is some times good for me. The verse below maybe taken out of context but this is a verse that people hve told me over the years. Ok, well if God gave me this desire (and I do at times believe that) then why am I so unhappy about not being in a relationship? Why can't I accept the fact that if he gave me this desore then eventually it will happen? Well, I don't know and I am sure you don't either. Here is one last thought. Maybe it is not God's plan for me to get married and have children but then I ask why do I want to be married to badly if children are not in the picture. Why do most people get married?, because they want to have sex or because they have to get married. Oh yeah, and that they love each other, which is very rare these days. I will shout it to the roof top, I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN!!!!!!!!
Then I am reminded of this verse and even though it really doesn't help I have to remember that He is in control and I am not. It is still frustrating. Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart

Summers Over

2009-08-13T10:35:00.004-04:00

Summer is quickly coming to an end and I must say this has been a summer like no other. I must say that summer started off pretty crappy and it only seemed to set the tone for the rest of the summer. Not to rehash the first part of summer (not going to) but here is how the rest of the summer went. My very first week of summer was spent at Kids Camp in Ocala, which wasn't that bad but it surely wasn't what I had experienced before during kids camp. I really don't think I was mentally or spiritually prepared to doing or going. All in all is wasn't that bad of a week. Then once I got back the next few weeks were me trying to figure out what I needed to do about work, school (masters program), completing the first semester of my masters program, ministry/church, and still dealing with the left overs from the last day of school. I was an emotional wreck. By the time July rolled around I was (or at least I thought I was) ready for our usual vacation at crescent beach for the week. Two days into the vacation I got news that really upset me and brought back some unfinished feelings (probably the best way to describe it). It is so true what people say; out of sight out of mind. That was the case for about three or four years and here comes my emotional wreck state again. Tuesday of my vacation I drove back to Jax to welcome home a very dear friend. Driving is always a way for me to clear my head and just be alone. Yes I cried a little on my way back in over this situation but yet knew I needed to just let go and forget it. As I got closer to the north side I passed an area on the highway that just truly broke me. It was the kind of broken that when you cry you can't catch your breathe. This went on for a little bit and I really tried to just let it go so that no one would know that I was upset. I spent time that day with people that are very dear to me and then finally headed back to the beach. I think I am ok now, tears or a good cry sometimes helps. The rest of the week at the beach was ok, the weather sucked which didn't make things that great, just made the week go by that much faster. Then Monday we got back from the beach I had to take a test for my certification (due to the stupid Federal Government Laws) which could determine keeping my job or not. Well, after a very long 3.5 hours of taking a test the results were not pass. I suck! This was the start of another down hill spiral. I was so upset and just wanted to crawl into a hole and be alone. I get several phone calls asking me how I did and it was all is could to do get through the conversation. So for the rest of the week I was very upset and frustrated. The next few weeks after that were me trying to figure out how to get through this and out of this situation. Yes, I had dear friends and family that were very encouraging but it didn't seem to really help. I just wanted to be alone. Then there were some things that took place around my house that would just really irritate me but yet I had no control over. Things break or wouldn't work right and the frustration escalated. Then a weekend came up where I took a drive alone and really cleared my head and started to really figure out what God and I needed to do. It is a little clear but still not sure how it will all pan out or how I will affect the situation and outcome. The past two messages that I have heard through Celebration Church have really given me some answers and I am in the process of releasing and taking steps in the right direction. Last night when I finally went to bed I didn't turn the TV on, instead I layed there in the dark and silence and just listened and talked with God. I have missed that. I mainly prayed for friends and their situations and that God would use me. Then I drifted off to sleep and rested the best I have all summer.

So, a summer of lots of frustrations and tears. June through the first week of August I was in the valley, having what most people would call a pitty party, and now by the grace of God I am slowly climbing my way back to the mountain top. Last weekend I wish I would have had the song " I'm coming back to the heart of worship" but I found another song by Chris Tomlin that was just a good and really helped me to release. I now have to talk with a few people but I am comfortable because I know that this is what God wants me to do and where I should be. I didn't realize until the last few months how important being a part of ministry is, I have felt lost and I am ready to get back to being a part of God's plan. This hasn't been an easy summer but it definitely has been a summer of learning and growth. I have a test to take and pass which the third time is a charm. LOL! I will be ok through it no matter the outcome. I am ready to move forward. So, sadly enough , you may want to have me checked out, I am some what ready to get started back to a routine and this journey that God has waiting for me.
As I close this summer in the next two days I am prepared to take on what is placed before me. I may fail but I know that God will pick me back up, dust me off and set me on my way again. There is no turning back and honestly I don't want to.

If you are reading this please keep me in your prayers. If I may be so bold to ask here are some specifics you can pray for:
1. I pass this test.
2. That I share my faith with my students and truly minister to them
3. That God will use me at school more than he ever has before
4. The ministry I step into
5. God would use me to be a good friend
6. Words to speak (encouraging)
7. Boldness
8. Patience
9. Health
10. 2unspoken

God, you have truly taken me from frustrations to excitement. Thank you for not giving up on me and for loving me unconditionally. Help me to carry this kind of love to people that cross my path every day. Amen!

Summer Coming to an End

2009-08-04T21:56:00.002-04:00

So summer is coming to an end so I thought I would reflect back. The start of summer for me was not what I wanting. (Not going to elaborate on that) Lets just say I was very sad. The first week of summer for me was spent at children's camp which was fun but yet frustrating; can't really explain why it just was. Maybe I wasn't mentally, physically, or spiritually ready for the week. The bad news just continued to come my way and I got even more frustrated. Once we were home from camp and I got some much needed sleep and really started thinking about things, which didn't make things any better. I started thinking about our vacation and just being able to relax at the beach and really take in some much needed quiet time. Nope, that didn't happen. Two days into the week I was hit in the face with something that I thought I had let go of years ago but when I was face to face with it I just wanted to crawl in a hole. The rest of the week was less than eventful and I could not get the rest that I wanted. Once I got back home things really started to weigh heavy on me. I couldn't sleep which made me feel sick. I guess I had a jenny pity party for a little while. There are so many thoughts and emotions that ran through me that I didn't know what else to do. I was frustrated about different situations be it work, ministry, personal or family that I just couldn't shake. I tried to take this on myself but in the end I knew was a stupid thing to do because as always I make things worse. One morning I woke up and realized that I didn't have to go through this alone. Not only do I have friends that care about me and are the for me but most importantly I have a heavenly father that wants to help and take care of it. I have taken a step back and have realized that God will allow things in my life to make me stronger and I know that He knows what is best for me as long as I allow Him to take over and do His will in my life. I will say that through this I have not been faithful, in fact I will say that I have been anything but faithful and for that I am ashamed. I can tell others what they should do or help them seek God but when it came to me I thought that He wasn't there for me. I know this is wrong and even when I wasn't wanting to listen he was right there trying to tell me to trust him and that every thing was going to be ok. I wont say that every day is easy and that I don't think about things that have taken place but I have to remember that this is all taking place for a reason and I have to trust God in all things. Going through a hard time, seek God and he will get you through it.

Last Day of School!

2009-06-05T21:16:00.003-04:00

Just before the end of the day our school was filled with sadness. The news of a horrible accident turned into a complete nightmare. Several of our students got together and planned a day at the beach for the last day of school little did they know it would change their lives forever. As the news continued to come in students had started to name names and one name given was a student of mine and another I knew from seeing him in the halls. At this point I was upset but wanting to know more and students at this point knew a lot but not 100% on who or how this all happened. I then received a phone call from one of the teachers that one of my students was in the accident and killed, this is hard. I tried not to cry because I still had students in my room and I needed to be strong for them (that was a wrong thought). As they left out of my room at 11:30 I began to cry and one of the guys leaving asked Ms. Smith are you sad? I should have spoke to them to let them know how I felt about the horrible accident and that I was sad and upset. As the bell rang Mr. Clark announced a mandatory faculty meeting, at this point I was shacking and had several text messages asking questions and letting me know they were praying for me. I get into our meeting and Mr. Clark starts of by not wanting to say the names of the students involved but I knew if he didn't I would be able to do anything else, so he decided to tell us the names of the students involved. I wont mention the names but you can go to news4jax and find that yourselves. The driver discharged tonight was a student of mine and I am so hurting for him right now, I cant imagine how he feels about all of this, his girl friend also in the accident is still in critical condition. The next name was a boy, who did not survive the accident, that I would see out in the halls in front of my room, I will always remember his Georgia hat, Georgia t-shirt and flip flops even when it was cold, he was a very polite young man. The next name was another student of mine. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I started to cry, but tried the best I could to hold it in until I got alone in my room. The other names that were mentioned I did not know who they were but am still just as broken up over them as I am for the ones that I knew. I cant begin to process how these parents are feeling right now, or what the driver is feeling. What do you say to the parents, what do you say to the students who survived, how to you share with the students who will return to school in August? I feel like I am stuck in a box and I my hands are tied, I don't know what to do or even to say. I have so many emotions,thoughts and feelings at times I just want to cry other times I want to through something. They were so young, is a statement that has been repeated. I know God has a bigger plan from all of this and I pray that students will learn the importance of safety.

Here is my challenge to those who read this. Please always remember your seat belt even if you are going a short distance. Parent tell your children you love them, hug them, spend time with them, and have not moments of regret. I will forever have the memory of these students in my thoughts and am truly broken over this whole thing. May God comfort the families and those students that survived as well as the friends as well as other teachers of these students.

Transition and Change

2009-06-04T21:39:00.003-04:00

You know a few years ago I absolutely hated change but over the last five years it seems to be my motto. I have changed schools, subject areas, classrooms, houses twice, and now in ministry. I have been praying for a while now where God wanted me to be. I knew that I couldn't continue to work with the youth for many reasons. I have been a part of the youth ministry at PL for 7 years now and have loved every minute of what God has done in my life. I could write a book about how God has touched my life over the last 7 years. If it wasn't for Mike Lewis and the encouragement and prayer from others I might not have gotten through the general knowledge exam. If it wasn't for the support of close friends and much needed prayer and support there is a lot that I don't think I would have gotten through.I am so thankful to Tommy Mallard for holding my grandmothers funeral and for being there for my family and to Kevin who was there as well. Also, for the hospital visits that you both made while she was in the hospital. Words can't express thank you enough for that. Many people set the example of truly living the Christian life and what it meant to follow Christ and for that I am very grateful. I have memories that will be with me forever and I know that I will look back over the years and laugh. I wonder at times where my life would be if it wasn't for the members and love that was expressed over the years. I never thought I would teach a group of girls about different very tough topics, there was one that I remember as if it were yesterday, I had never experience God the way that I did during that time. Then the opportunities to attend conferences and camps and minister to the youth. I have been touched by the lives of these young people as well as encouraged to see the faith that they have. I cant begin to say how grateful I am to be allowed the opportunity and privilege to be a part of an awesome ministry and church. With the direction from God I feel that it is time for me to step out of the youth and see what God has for me next. I know a little over a year ago God gave me a vision about speaking to females about who we are in Christ and how he sees us. Maybe that is the next step and what God wants me to do. I am not sure of the next step but I know this is what I need to do. So many thoughts and emotions but I do know that this is what God is calling me to do because I have a peace about stepping out. I have told some of the students and will make it known to all, I am still available if they need anything. I love those students as if they were my own children. So, you see over the years I have experienced change in my life and some times that change is what is needed for God to be at work in my life and in the lives of others.

Mission Trip

2009-04-24T13:27:00.003-04:00

There are a few blogs that I enjoy reading and two of the people's blogs I read are apart of a team going to India for the next ten days. Please join me in praying for these people while they are gone.

Don't Judge a Book by It's Cover!

2009-04-16T09:34:00.003-04:00

I am sure many of you will be ready about the same person in a variety of ways over the next few days but I have to put my two sense in to this one. Here is a thought before I get into the meat of this blog. What does it mean to you when you hear some one say "Dont judge a book by it's cover!"? There are so many different reactions I have to this and I have said but yet done the same thing. We look at appearance and misjudge who that person is completely. Let me explain. Last night on Britain's Got Talent an older lady (age 47) gets out on stage and says she wants to sing, just about everyone in the audience laughed as well as the judges. She sang I Dreamed a Dream and when the first sound was heard every one was in awe. They couldnt believe that someone that looked like this could sound so good, could have a voice so beautiful. Every one in the audience was on their feet applauding and cheering for her. She finished the song strong and got the highest rated of three yeses.

Here is the point to this, and I am just as guilty. We look at the outward and say because of the way they look: clothes, hair, teeth, skin color, size, eyes, fashion or not, shoes, just the over all appearance and say there is no way they can to that, or I am not going to be seen with that person. BUT what we are missing is what they are filled with. We havent even given them the chance to see what they are capable of what really is on the inside because we are so self centered that we care more about appearance than we do ability. Sadly enough we judge a person for appearance in every situation. I am not going to speak to that person they look weird, I am not going to move over to the empty seat for them to sit by me did you see what she has on, I am not going to go to dinner with that person he/she smells funny, etc. I could go on with these excuses but in actuality they could be the next what ever and even if they are not why are we judging them for what they look like and not considering the heart at all. Guys and girls only date those popular people, fashionable, looks good on the outside what people like to call eye candy kinda stuff. Yes, I agree we like to be attracted to the person but isnt it really the heart of a person that is most attractive, shouldnt we consider the heart first and then every thing else should fall into place. Shouldnt we get to know them before we ever say no they cant do that, I cant date them, or what ever the reason is that they just wont work out. But at least you first gave them the chance and got to know them. Who knows maybe by doing this you could meet your soul mate, the next CEO of a company, the next American Idol, the next Apprentice, the next America's Top Model but we first looked at the inside and gave them a chance.

The next time you see someone that isnt up to your standards by the way of appearance stop and think about Susan Boyle, who will probably become a famous singer now, and how she was judge by her appearance and once she sang it was absolutely a beautiful sounding voice. A judge made the state "our sinful actions" wrongly judging someone. I hope the next time we start to judge someone for the way they look we will stop and correct ourselves and at give them a chance. Isnt that what Jesus did for us. He didnt say man look at the sin in their life, or she is ugly, or stupid, or fat, or too thin, or they dont have the up to date clothes, no he said Romans 10:13 " For all who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved" no you didnt read to say any thing else but ALL. Thank God he doesnt save us according to our lives or our standards because we would never be saved because of how ugly we all are and how sinful we are.

Matthew 7: 1-2"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

A new Program

2009-04-13T13:08:00.003-04:00

When I graduated from college about 6 years ago I didnt think I would go back and get my masters although I have thought about being a dean (assistant Principal) one day. Cant do one with having a masters degree in Ed Leadership. Back in January I started the process of filling out an application to Saint Leo University which will hold an off site class here at EW. What better opportunity than this to be able to get my masters. I have prayed hard about this and talked with different people on whether or not this was a good idea. Here are the thoughts I have. To advance in education I need to have my masters, it is not so much getting paid more but the fact that I would be able to advance in my role of being a teacher. I after really asking my self why and right an essay about why I wanted to in the Ed Leadership program I realized the contact I would have with a variety of students. Who knows maybe after I get this I wont be cut out to actually do this type of work but I do believe that God has opened the doors for me to further my education. I must say I am very scared about the work that I will have to do and the research that will go with it. I got all the finalization last week about being admitted into the program along with my financial aide information. I was excited but yet wondering why I decided to do this because it is a lot of work. I hope I will be good at this and will finish strong with the work that is needed to be done. I start my classes May 4 with one online class and one actual face to face class. I will have 8 weeks in this class and then I will be off for the summer and start back up in August. I will be done with this program by the summer of 2011. I have searched through all other schools including Florida and UNF and didnt find anything that would work around my schedule the way this one would. I will be in class on Thursday evenings from 5-9 and still be done in 3 years. I am really doing this.

Please if you are reading this I would appreciate your prayers during this time. Here is what I would ask for you to pray about: that I would not be a procrastinator, that I would complete all assignments better than satisfactory, that I would complete this program with a high GPA, that I understand and comprehend every thing that I read and do. Finally, that when it comes time for me to take the Florida Education Leaders Exam that I pass the first time I take it. Also, that through all of the work I dont lose focus of the end goal as well as focus on God. I will be a very busy person during the semester but look forward to the challenge that is before me.

What is wrong with me?

2009-04-08T11:09:00.002-04:00

For the past several weeks maybe even a month now I have been in a slump. I called it the other day a disconnect. I dont know why and I dont understand it but that is what it feels like. I feel like my QT is not meaningful and that my prayers have been hitting a brick wall. So, I have felt discouraged and disconnected in many ways. I think one reason is the stress that is going on with work not knowing how things are going to go next year and having to take a test (which I hate tests) that can determine whether or not I will have a job or not. I know that God is in control and he has given me everything I need to realize this but I know my inabilities and it scares me. Well again this morning through twitter the ESV verse was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans if have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" This has been so encouraging to me.

Here is another thing that I have been dealing with call me crazy but I have. Being a leader(which I really dont consider myself to be) can be very difficult but at the same time very rewarding. I have felt like I have been doing this alone for so many different reason,weird I know because there are many great leaders that I work with but for some reason I dont feel like I should be there or that like I am not apart of things. I read this blog today that somewhat made sense to me about how I have been feeling. www.withoutwax.tv Transformal Leadership (I recommend reading it) I know that I am not really alone but yet I am. No one thinks like I do, no one has the desire that I do. Well, let me explain that. Every ones passion and desire are different. We may love the students and want to see them living a God filled life but everyone thinks differently and has different passions for the students. Maybe you get it better than I am explaining it. Any way, I dont think there is anything wrong with me. Someone else told me that feeling a little disconnected is some thing that everyone goes through. I want this to be done with and I dont ever want to feel this way again. Here is my plan and I hope God shows up for it.

Seeing that this week is only a four day week of work and Friday is good Friday I plan on spending time with God. As morbid as it sounds I know but I need to remember everything that he went through for me. So here is the challenge for me and you if you desire to take it on. Friday take the time to read God's word where ever you choose, Matthew 26 - 28 and Mark 14:27- 16, Luke 22- 24 these chapters and verses is all that took place. I know a lot of verses but look at what Jesus went through so that we can spend eternity with him. I want to take it all that in and really appreciate what Jesus did for me and try to understand how hard it was for God to watch his son be tortured for the sins that I have committed not to mention the sins of this world.

Enjoy Easter and may you be filled with the resurrected Jesus alive and sitting at the right hand of the father.

Ask and you shall receive

2009-04-06T09:23:00.003-04:00

Well, a while ago I blogged about Red Birds. Let me update you on a few things. This last month I feel has been pretty stressful. I really felt alone in such a big world. For a while I was begging God to show me a red bird because I needed to make sure he was still there. Well, days, weeks and over a month had gone by and I hadnt seen the red bird and so I said, "Ok God when I least expect it you will allow me to see one." That is exactly what he did. I had been given some information and I didnt really know what to do with the info or how I should respond but this is what I did. I prayed and asked God to show me how I should respond or react. The very next day I was driving my aunt to pick up her truck and as I drove down my road the in front of me was a red bird. I got goose bumps from head to toe and I was so grateful that God would reveal this to me at such a perfect time. God is amazing and he knows exactly when to show things and allow things to happen.

A quick explanation of the red bird. A while back (several years)I really wanted to make sure that being married and having a family was a desire from God. SO, I prayed and asked God that if this was his plan in my life eventually I wanted to see a red bird. It didnt happen right away but I did see a red bird and I trust that God will provide this. It is a way for me to remember that God is right there with me always and he hears my prayers and requests. I desire to be married and have a family one day but more importantly is that God's will in my life is evident. I praise God every day that I am single because of what God allows me to do. One day God will provde me with a husband and I trust that he has the perfect one already picked out for me.

Recap of the week!

2009-03-13T11:10:00.002-04:00

As I blogged earlier, a week ago I received a notice about not being highly qualified and that meant my job was in jeopardy. As always, I panicked and that didn't help matters. I stressed all weekend and by Monday I was very upset and concerned as to what would happen with my job. I called downtown to speak with someone in certification and her response just made things worse. Take a test me and two of them. There is no way I can do this especially with the pressure now on. So, all day I was made upset, stressed and frustrated. So, texting all of this and posting on facebook, I knew I had people praying about this for me. (For those of you who were praying for me, God answered your prayers and I am so grateful for friends like you, so thank you for praying for me) Tuesday morning I woke up and felt horrible and stupid. That morning before I got up to start the day I just apologized to God that I didn't trust him enough to take care of this. I gave this situation over to him and said "God you put me in the position of teaching and if this is your plan then you will guide me through this." Well, I must say he has. Yesterday I was going over a few things and I started looking over the material to study. I have been talking with one of the teachers and she was dealing with the same thing and the information she was given was completely different from what I was given. Today, I get a phone call about HQ (highly qualified) and she forwarded an email to me for me to fill out. Now all I need is for my principal to sign off on it and fax it off. God has been working this out the entire time. Even when I didn't allow him to have control he was still working it out. I feel bad that God wasn't the first that I went to and that I tried to do this on my own. The next time a trial is in front of me I hope I am reminded quickly just how much God loves me and will guide me through the situation.

During this whole thing I have been reading the book called The Shack. Wow, I love this book. It has opened my eyes to so many different emotions. I will blog about it later but just wanted to share briefly about this week. God is good. Trust in Him.

Again thank you to those who have been praying for me.

Frustration/Stressed

2009-03-09T13:41:00.002-04:00

ok, I guess this will be a time to vent. As you know I am a teacher at a local high school. Every one is still not sure about cuts and how the budget situation will effect us individually or even as a department. I have over the past few weeks said I wasn't concerned I would be fine only because of the certification that I hold. I trusted that God would take care of this and I wouldn't worry about it, even if it meant taking a pay cut. Well, Friday I got notification that I am not considered "highly qualified" by the No Child Left Behind Law. I hold a teacher certificate for Special Education but I at this point not qualified because I do not have a certification for a cor subject area. I spoke with someone downtown today and they advised me that I would need to take two different tests, which are $75 dollars each. I got really upset then. I really didn't understand how or why this effected me the way that it did. I have been teaching for 5 years and have never been notified of this before now. Oh by the way I have until June 30 to pass the required test. I do not test well and with the pressure that I have now I am not feeling confident at all. I pulled off the testing guide for the three different tests I am considering taking and now I feel very inadequate to take these tests. I have never taken math higher than algebra I and this will include geometry. I have thought about asking another math teacher to work with me but I am not sure about that. I don't know how all of this will work out and I am clueless as to what will happen to me. I don't like uncertainty and the feeling of hopelessness (only in this situation). I know the right thing is to trust in God but at this point I am looking at my inadequacies. I am thinking I don't have what it takes to take and pass this test. I don't know what to do or even the first step to solving this problem. With every thing that education is facing I feel like this is one more thing that keeps us from teaching. When I was in college trying to pass the Math part of the CLAST it took me a few chances before actually passed it, and I must admit that all of those thoughts and memories are rushing through my brain. I don't like this feeling. So, if you are reading I beg for your prayers through all of this. Here are some specifics: that I get a test date soon, that I am able to study and retain all that I study, that I pass this the first time I take it and through this all I don't give up/get even more frustrated/lose my testimony or my temper. I think at this point my biggest concern is, is this really what God wants me to do! I feel confused, frustrated and stupid. I love teaching and do not want to lose my job but the obstacles are being through at me and this one seems to be harder for me to cross than the rest of them.

Just when you feel a sense of rest, trust, and contentment. Not boasting but I even felt a little closer to God. Another test/trial and at this point I am failing miserably. I feel like I am back up against a wall with no where to go. I know in the end God will have taught me something through this, I am ready to learn my lesson and be done with it.

Memories

2009-03-02T09:44:00.002-05:00

I had a weird moment yesterday. In conversation two different times I was remind or a past memory that really brought me to tears. I wont go into detail but it really upset me and at times still does. I have often questioned why God would allow me to go through that and feel the pain that I felt. Last night after the conversation I had I was sitting on the couch and was really trying to figure out why this still brought me so much pain. I knew I had gotten over it and was, what I thought, past all of that. I had to stop and pray for a specific person and pray for safety and guidance in their life. Then I had to ask God why I was feeling this again. Here is what God said. I need for you to share your experience so that others will have an idea what to do. If you let them see your pain then maybe they will trust me to let me (God) take care of them. The road I lead them and you down is not going to be easy but trust and know that I (God) am in control and will guide and protect you. You will suffer some painful situations but in the end it will make you stronger and allow you to share what I am doing in and through you.

This morning when I got up I was quickly reminded of this pain and I sat on the edge of my bed and said "God I don't want to feel this any more, remove this from life and let me move on." I know that we go through experiences in life so that we will one day be able to help someone else and those memories can be painful. I have learned a lot from this situation past and present I know that God allowed me to go through all of that so that I would be stronger and trust him more. I am thankful that God allowed me to share this experience with someone else and I hope that they will allow God to guide them in their time of need. We are not promised an easy life with no heart ache but a life promised to eternity if we except and believe in the Son. Trust him and allow him to guide you in this life he has given you.

Live Love Conference

2009-02-28T20:10:00.006-05:00

Let's start by saying that I always attend student functions as a chaperone thinking how am I going to minister to these students, or how is God going to use me. Every time I have walked away from any youth function I am amazied at how God spoke to me. Here is a recap of the sessions. God is awesome!

Session one: Let me start by saying that I did not hear the entire message because during the worship it was really hot and I felt some what sick so I walked out side to cool off. (weird feeling for me) As I came back in I stood in the back and listened to what Francis Chan was speaking on. Revelation 4:4-6 He was talking about the image of God and how we view God. I walked away thinking that my view that I have developed was not the picture of God that I was getting while I was listening. I had viewed a littler God, and not giving him the credit of just how big, powerful, awesome, merciful and loving he really is. I know that I will never be able to phathum just how glorious God is but I need to continue to strive to see every aspect of God and while doing this my prayer time needs to change. I need to focus more on God and praise him for who is he and less on the request. God knows what I need and has the perfect plan for my life.

Session two: This session started off by giving the illustration of how we live on the ball suspended in the universe. God designed it just so and has the power to do with it what he wants. The number of stars that are out there that can fit thousands of other stars inside that one particular one and here we are these small people living on the earth suspended in the universe. I sat an evaluated my faith in God and my trust in him. There was also this idea of allowing things to distract us from what God wanted to do with us. So, at the end of the session I really asked God to show me more of his plan and vision for my life. I am not going to understand every thing that he wants me to do, but that is ok but he knows what is best for me. I have always been one to say that I want to be with my family and close by them but this was one statement that stuck in my head, "dont stop and say good by to your friends and family just go". How many times have I said to God wait I need to do this first or I can do that because it is too far from my family. No, I pray that is not the response I give any more.

Session three: This last session Francis came out holding his little girl. I was in awe at the illustration of the relationship God wants with me by him holding his daughter. He was standing on this stage holding in his arms his 5 year old duaghter and says, "God desires to have this type of relationship with him" God wants us to crawl up in his lap and put his arms around us and just hold us. More personal God wants to wrap his arms around me and love on me. Some times I need to stop and allow him to hold me and be my daddy (Aba Father). I so loved this thought of just sitting with God in such an intimate way. I need to allow God that kind of time.

The over all weekend was amazing. I have gotten a different vision of God and how I need to allow him to have control. I need to let go of things and let God. I need to pick up my cross and follow him allowing nothing to hold me back. I need to stand every day every minute of the day with my hands open wide saying to God that this is what I have take it and use me. My challenge I surrender every thing trusting that God will guide me, take care of me, love on me and be enough for me.

If you read this I encourage you to check out the book Crazy Love. Also, learn how to live the love the God has called us to Live. Don't be a clanging symbol be sincere and allow God to use your voice to love others. This is a statement that someone said a long time ago "and sometimes use words". Our actions need to live up to what God says.I pray that I will be able to LIVE LOVE!

I could go on and on about this weekend. I hope you get something from what I have writen out. I am so very greatful for the opportunity to attend this conference, I am greatful to be a part of PLUTH and for the experiences God has allowed me to have over the years. I know ministry is not easy and I have learned that my feelings are going to be hurt, people are not always going to agree with what I say or do but if God is in it then I am good. I dont ever want to hold back on what God wants to do with my life.

Ministry Outreach

2009-02-20T09:32:00.003-05:00

Please note that this is a local church here Jacksonville that is doing outreach to a community. I have blocked out names of the people in the community but please be in prayer over what is being done. I worked with Sam last year and I know that God is at work and I wanted to share what He is doing in the lives of this community. I hope it sets fire to what God is wanting to do in you and with you.

Saturday update time!

I want to start this week with some excerpts from a book called Soul Obsession by Nicky Cruz (it’s a great book if anyone needs a recommendation). I feel like these excerpts fully encompass what we’re praying for, hoping for, and experiencing on Saturdays (and every other day of our lives!):

He does so much more than save us; he restores us. Whatever Satan has stolen, God gives back. Whatever time we’ve lost to sin, he reclaims through love. The wounds inflicted upon us by the world are healed by his wonderful grace. This is the Jesus we worship—the Savior who died so that we can live! This is the message we bring to a world still bound by sin. This is the only testimony worth telling—the only thing that really matters! How can we not shout from the rooftops? How can we ever slip into moments of apathy after all that God has done for us? How can we not live with uninhibited passion and zeal, knowing what we know? Understanding what we understand about Satan and his lies? After experiencing the unconditional forgiveness that Jesus brings? How can any man stay silent?

…What will it take for God to finally grab hold and bring about the transformation we need—the transformation we pray for? When will we finally rise up and make a serious dent in Satan’s foothold on the world? The answer is so simple it feels strange to have to say it: we must trust in God for great miracles!

…If there is one thing we have learned through our ministry—through facing the Enemy on his own turf time and time again, day after day, week after week—it is that Satan is a coward. He is a sniveling worm who picks on the most defenseless among us, the most helpless and desperate. Like a playground bully who runs for cover as soon as a kid his size shows up, Satan retreats at the first sign of real power…Do we truly understand the power we have at our fingertips? Do we grasp the significance of the message that we bring to a lost world? Do we comprehend how easily evil can be beaten and revoked by simply opening ourselves up to the moving of the Holy Spirit among us? Do we know what God is capable of doing among us?

God is moving on McDuff Ave., and it’s in large part b/c of all of your prayers and support. Lives are being molded; lives are being changed. ________ came out with us this week (Valentine’s Day) and wrote a few things that stuck out in her mind about the day:

· As I drove up at 7 oclock, two regulars, ____ and ____ were already filling up their bags... we had sooo many sweets, bread and fruit, but it was all gone later in the morning, despite the rain!

· This morning, I was physically uncomfortable. I (along with everybody else, I guess) was wet and cold! If I hadn’t been standing out on McDuff, I would have been in bed asleep with my heated blanket. God really opened my eyes to the suffering that people in Jacksonville endure. And the fact that he is with them in all of it. Sam was telling me about the people that live in the purple house and the fact that they don’t have power… even when its freezing.

· I also saw the brokenness. There were so many smiles, so many "thank yous" and "God bless yous" but through that, I could see through to the brokenness. In the few conversations I had and introductions from Tanys, I found out things about people's lives that were shocking and sometimes heartbreaking. Some people lingered around the table after they had gathered their bags and I had a feeling it was because of the love that they were being shown. I was somewhat nervous about this because I’m not the most outgoing person in the world, but God really filled in the gaps (why do I doubt?). It was easy to love people and talk to people and welcome them and just offer them a smile and handshake and call them by name.

· A dad and his son came up near the end and got some bags of food/ fruit. The dad lived out of town and the son lived in the neighborhood. They used to live on the Southside and the son still goes to elementary school over there. He takes two city buses every morning by himself to get to school! The dad said he was going to come to church and bring the son so he can have a church to walk to on Sunday. I felt like today a lot of people were asking about the church and excited to hear that we were so close. How exciting if more people from the community start coming. Something to pray for.

· ______ giving out Valentines cards and candy to everyone who stopped at the table was another highlight. Some of the people's eyes lit up when they were handed their personalized valentine from ______. What a great way to show God's love.

Great job, _____!

As far as other details, here you go:

It was cold and wet—heavy rains on and off all morning. No fun! We decided to set up (we had so much stuff this week that we had to bring THREE cars!) under the pavilion at the little corner store (where I first set up shop months ago). It took us a good 30 minutes to get everything out and unpacked. Just then, the owner of the shop pulled up and told us to leave!! I wasn’t thrilled (that was a major understatement), but bit my tongue and began moving all our stuff up a block to the ________ house in the pouring rain. ______ kept the baked goods and care packages in her car, and we set the bread under the table covered with a tarp. The fruit stayed out and got washed the old fashioned way! Anyway, thank God that ______ showed up and saw our predicament—and went home and brought back a big tent to set over the table! It truly saved the day—we jerry-rigged the tarp to hang over 1 side of the tent to keep the rain out. By this time lots of people had showed up and had been helping us move the food from the original location, etc. It was awesome to see everyone helping! We heard a lot of people say “I didn’t think you all would be out here today!” and “You all are out here THIS week? In the rain?!?” Ha—it was classic.

To make my usual long-story-short, it was a very powerful day. We had more food than we’ve ever had, and gave every last bit away. I thought it was going to be a slow day, but it turned out (as usual!) to be exactly the right amount of food we needed.

Here are a few highlights:

--Valentine’s Day presents—we received a lot of V-tine’s Day donations and ______ spent a lot of time buying and putting together goody bags—chocolates, V-tine’s cards, etc. Every person that walked up to the table had to go wait by her car as she asked them their names (spelling isn’t easy in the ‘hood!) and filled out individual Valentine cards for everyone. It had to be the highlight of the day—people LOVED the cards/goodies—even the men! I think that it really touched a lot of people’s hearts, and ______ was awesome out there. What an awesome idea—great job, babe! The 3 little kids that always show up were especially blown away (side note: the smallest kid—his name sounds like ____ but spelled like _____. Go figure!). ______ gave out 60 individual cards to people—more people stopped by the table, but they were either too quick to leave or we had run out of cards. What a treat! J

--A coworker’s husband contacted me this week—he works for a big chips manufacturer and every week they have 2-3 big boxes of full-sized bags of chips/popcorn/pretzels, etc. It was great—people really liked getting a bag of chips with their sweets! He thinks they’ll be able to donate the chips every week from here on out. Score!

--Baked goods—once again, the homemade baked goods ruled. ______ drove by to drop off 60 fresh-baked cookies: chocolate dipped snickerdoodle, “Cowboy Cookies” (don’t ask), etc. Someone also made cupcakes with little candy V-tine hearts on them, _____ brought brownies, and _____ and ______ dropped off some brownies and chocolate-covered popcorn balls. Is your mouth watering yet? Seriously, these folks really made a lot of people’s days out there with their treats!! Talk about a spread! Thank you who baked/donated $ for this week!! Even in the rain, the crowds flocked around the table!!!

--My buddy _____ (tear-drop tattoo guy) and his girlfriend stopped by—this kid is so awesome! He looks like the roughest kid you could imagine, but when he comes up to the table he is all smiles and so soft-spoken. He told us that he had won that basketball tournament I dropped him off at last week (it must have been those last-second tips I gave him J ). Cool! They stayed and talked for awhile. I really like _______—something about the way the softest heart shines through the toughest exterior. Our God reigns!

--____ (teenage kid who lives at _______ house—his mom is in jail, remember?) came by and stayed the majority of the morning. He is such nice kid and is so hungry for the love given to him at the table—you can tell how appealing it is to him. Anyway, we picked up him and David again for church the next day (David was really sick, but wanted to come anyway). They came to the first service and really loved the worship. The service was especially powerful Sunday, and both boys came down to receive prayer. _______ had to take them home after the 1st service (I was playing in the band so couldn’t). When they got home, ______ asked if he could come back for the 2nd service!! Awesome! He came up to me right before we started playing and said, “I just had to hear you play again. There’s something powerful going on here today.” He sat alone in the balcony directly above the band to our left. Several times I looked up and saw him with eyes closed, hands stretched out before him worshipping. Statements that _______ later made on Sunday:

“Today was so powerful. I knew that the Lord was here.”
“I love this church.”
“I think I’m going to start sitting by myself during worship…I liked it better b/c I didn’t have to worry about others looking at me if I raised my hands.”
God is working on this kid’s heart, people!

--_______ has also been coming to church the past 2 weeks and seems to really like it (especially the Starbucks coffee!).

--the ______ (the family in the purple house)—bad news: mom has been sick for months and months and it got so bad this week she had to be lifted to Gainesville (over an hour away from here). One of the ladies who used to live with her called me to tell me that they think it’s lung cancer. The kids are staying at their dad’s house and (from what I understand) visiting mom when they can. The prognosis is grave for her. It’s terrible, but here’s what I know: Our God is an awesome God, and He is the Great Physician. He is able to laugh at death b/c He’s already conquered it. Lord, you are so good—even when things look bad, we know that you are good. We ask in boldness that you intervene with ______—interrupt her health status and bring your healing!!! You are above ALL things, and tell that cancer to leave her body in the Name of Jesus—it has no place there. We also ask that this would be her impetus and the earth-rattling event that gets her attention—and focus it on YOU.

Ministry Needs:

--Food (especially homemade baked goods). We’ve got the Publix; we’ve got the fruit donations; but EVERY week it’s the homemade stuff that has saved us and given us EXACTLY the right amount of food! Please contact us if you feel led to bake!

-- Care package items—we need everything right now—toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant (men’s and women’s), laundry detergent, soap, hand sanitizer, razors, lotion, shampoo/conditioner, etc—if you think a family can use it, they probably can! IF YOU CAN DONATE IT, WE’LL TAKE IT.

--Bottled water—we’re down to a few cases. I think Walgreens has 24 packs on sale for $3 this week…

--BIKE WEEK—we’re having “Bike Week” on Saturday—if you have ANYTHING bike-related to donate, we will take it (tubes, chains, lube, WHOLE BIKES!, etc.). So far we have somewhere between 7-9 bikes to give away to those who need them, and a few guys volunteering time to work on people’s bikes as they arrive. It’s going to be a HUGE day—lots of people have been asking about Bike Day and are telling their friends to bring their bikes. Also, if you have any know-how with bike repair, we’d LOVE to have you come out to help. Please contact A.D. Simone (alan@owenservices.com) or Danny Domingo (emandmad@vzw.blackberry.net) before Saturday so they have an idea who is coming or what parts are being donated. They are spearheading this shindig and are the guys to talk shop to about bikes.

--Prayer—again, saving the most important for last. Again to quote from that book from the beginning of this email (I hope I don’t get sued for plagiarism!), here’s a prayer that I am pleading over McDuff—please join with me:

Lord, you know the death and bondage that are so evident in those neighborhoods—the total disregard for life, the addictions, the numbness and lifelessness, and the slavery that Satan has yoked those people with... “and we will no longer tolerate it. In the name of Jesus, we bind Satan here and now. We demand that Satan have no more power in this neighborhood…and no more influence in this community. We will no longer tolerate evil in this neighborhood!” We don’t want to get into an argument with the Enemy; we want you to DRIVE HIM OUT with his tail between his legs!

Colossians 2:10:

“…you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.”

Philippians 2:10-11:

“…that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.”

There is a battle being fought before our very eyes. Pray for the victory!

Sam

Sunday Morinng Small Group Lesson

2009-02-11T09:25:00.002-05:00

Sunday morning I was a little nervous about the lesson I was going to teach because I felt it was lacking in some areas. The title of the lesson was "Training to be Godly" and the passage was from I Timothy 4:7-10. I went back to the basics with spiritual training. I asked the girls what the first thing they did when they felt God calling them, we prayed. Then what did we do, we got into God's word. So, I talked to them about their prayer life and reference Matthew 6:5-13. I discussed a little about my QT over the last month and all the God was dealing with me about. I wanted the girls to see that prayer is such a vital part of our Christian life. The way we build relationships is by communicating and the way we are going to grow in our relationship with God is to communicate with him and trust him. The next part was talking to them about reading the word. I have had several girls tell me that they struggle with QT. At the end of the lesson I gave the girls a challenge and that was to pray for 21 days and get into the word. I also ended the time with prayer but in a different way. We usually take prayer requests and one of the adults pray but this time I wanted to give the girls a chance to pray. So I told them that we would take the last minutes of the time and pray, if led to pray out loud do so, if not silence is ok. Several of the girls prayed out loud.

Funny misunderstanding story. I had told the girls that God was telling me that I need to be more willing to do what he has called me to do. So I made the statement that where ever God sent me I would trust him to take me. A parent came up to me Sunday night at church and me that they were going to miss me and that her daughter was going to miss me. I was taken off guard. I did however laugh and said maybe God showed them that he was calling me to go somewhere but hadn't told me yet. LOL Not going any where yet, but you knows; only God does.

A challenge for you. QT and prayer time not right or not quality. Start in Psalms and read read. While reading ask God to show you something about yourself in these two areas. Then make a specific time in the day to pray.

Week Three of Fasting

2009-02-03T09:57:00.002-05:00

Well, I have started my last week of the fast and I must say that God is truly powerful than I have ever given him credit for. For anyone who has ever fasted knows that it is not an easy task, especially when you are me. Over the last two weeks I feel like I have had to explain myself to so many people as to why I can't eat certain things and it has shocked me to see so many people confused as to why I was doing this. I stopped explaining because it became more stressful for me. In conversation with a family member, they told me to end it early because of a family dinner we were having to celebrate birthdays, I thought about it but I couldn't. I knew that God had me doing this for a reason and I couldn't bring myself to end it early. I have seen God in a different light in the last two weeks, I have worshipped differently and more. My QT has been a huge blessing in that he has shown me things I had never seen or understood before. The two things that I have been specifically praying for I know God is working through them and I trust him more.

In this last week, I pray that God would reveal things to me and draw me closer to him. I want to be in full surrender to him never looking back. I want to trust him with every area of my life and know that his will is being done. I want people to look at me and say "she is in love with Jesus!" I want to share the gospel without hesitation. I want to always be content with what God is dong in my life, only striving to be more conformed to Jesus.

Last two posts

2009-02-03T09:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, if you were wondering why the last two posts are back dated it is because I was changing to wordpress but I decided to keep using blogspot because I was more familiar with it. I have dated them so that you wont me too confused. Thanks for taking the time to read.

History Lesson 1/21

2009-02-03T09:52:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am not a history person. Our Wednesday night service was pretty much a history lesson and I will admit that at first I was somewhat bored. At the end of the message God really spoke to me about making a difference. Here is what God said to me.
Jenny, it doesn't matter what you think you are able to do, I know what I want you to do. Last April I gave you a vision and I am pruning you for it to become a reality. All I want you to do is trust me and allow me to find the right time for all to take place.
I must say I was amazed at how David's history lesson showed me how God wants to use me to make a difference in the lives of women.
Here is a list of the people that David spoke of on Wednesday night:
Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Lincoln and I know I am missing someone but these are the ones that stood out to me. Look at the difference that these people made. Once freed slaves, one started the movement of equal rights while another came along to run with it in another way, one helped destroy the Berlin wall. I am sure there are many more people out there that have made a difference in the world but this last one made the biggest difference of all. Jesus christ, a sinless man living in this world facing the temptation we face but never fell to them, gave his life for you and me so that we may live in Heaven one day with him.
Find out how you can make a difference. How does God want to use you? Proverbs 3:4-5 and Phil 4:13 have become a big part of my life because every day I have to trust him and I have to believe that I can do all things through Christ. I just have to allow him to do them.

Week One of Fasting 1/19-1/26

2009-02-03T09:50:00.001-05:00

For several months now I really felt like God was telling me to fast. For the month of December I did a fast from music; I did not listen to music in the car, in my house or while I was outside. This was pretty hard but I was really able to focus on God and really prayed before the day began. I was amazed at how God moved and showed up.
Since then I had really felt like God was telling of I want something bigger, I want more of a sacrifice from you. So, I prayed I felt like a full Daniel fast was what God was asking me to do. Last Monday, January 19 was my first day. I went to the store bought lots of veggies and fruit and I began my fast. I thought it was going to be hard but so far it has not. I am seeing that if I submit to what God wants me to do he will carry me through to the end. I have complete one week and I am really seeking what God is wanting to do with my life. My QT has been a little easier, I am thinking more throughout the day about God and how he can use me at work with my students as well as in many other areas.
There are two things that I have been praying about while I am fasting I am seeing God move in one of the areas. God is awesome! I am learning not to question but to trust and this is a hard concept for me, I have always questioned just about everything. Nothing wrong with that but there comes a time when we have to stop questioning and start trusting.
I have thought about ending my fast early but I really feel that God has brought me this far I should trust that he will continue to help me to the end. I am not looking back only looking forward. Do you have something that God is telling you to do but you are not sure how you are going to do it. Just trust him and he will see you through it. It is amazing to see what God can accomplish.

Being the Church

2009-01-09T09:51:00.001-05:00

Let me start off by saying that this is not my brain working but someone else's but it spoke to me and made me look at my life and what I complain about. Yes, I do complain about the music at church but it is not the style. I know we have a lot of old school traditional in our midst but, well, I wont go into that. This blog from Pete Wilson of Cross Point in Nashville, Tennessee explains it better than I ever could. I hope God speaks to you the way He spoke to me through these words.

Yesterday someone read a quote from my message on Sunday.
The quote was,
“We need to stop playing church and start being the church.”

This person contacted me and asked me what I really meant. A quote of that nature probably deserves further clarification.
It means we need to stop arguing about style of worship and get concerned about the poor and hungry around the world.

It means we need to spend less time gossiping about others and more time allowing God to break our hearts over the people in our cities who are facing an eternity apart from Christ.

It means we need to stop whining about what programs our church has or doesn’t have and we need to learn what it means to abide in Jesus from one moment to the next.
Listen, it’s got to stop. We’ve got to stop showing up on Sunday mornings and playing church. The New testament never calls us to just go to church, but to be the church.

It seems far to often we’ve reduced church down to spiritual masturbation. We’ve made it all about us. We’ve turned it into something we do to stroke our ego-driven, self-centered, materialistic lives. It gives us momentary pleasure, but we’ve failed to give, serve, or sacrifice of ourselves. It leads to false intimacy with our creator God.
We play church.
I’m done with that.
Be the church.

How do you think we “play church”? How do you think we can “be the church”?

In the Silence!

2008-12-05T09:28:00.002-05:00

I have tried to blog that last couple of days mostly they are vents to I decided not to post them. Through the venting and Kevin's message Wednesday I really want to see if I am giving God my best and if not why and how I can change that. Yesterday, as I was extremely tired, I never turned on the radio to my car. I am always listening to music. So, last night as I was driving home from my parents house I went to turn on the radio and I really felt as though God pulled my hand away and said stop and just listen. So, I did and in that time I began to pray and ask God what he wanted me to listen to. Here is what I got from my silent day of driving yesterday.

First - God said fast, then I said I have never been successful with a fast. He showed me that it didnt have to be a fast of food. When I felt like God told me not to turn on the radio that he wanted me to listen showed me that this is a fast for me. So, over the next several weeks I am not going to listen to radio in my car or in my house. I am usually in my car several times a time and that is the first thing I do once that car is turned on. (Not for a while) Also, when I am cleaning my house I am usaully listening to musci. (Not for a while) I now need to figure out a way to fix the alarm and wake up without the music and having a corinary when the alarm buzzer goes off. LOL He will make it work.

Second - God wants my full undivided attention and He was telling me that this is how he is going to get it. I prayed Wednesday night that God would show me how to give my best I believe that it starts with giving Him your attention.

If you read this please pray for me during the next 21 days. Here are my prayers. God show me the areas that I am not giving you my best and show me how to actually give you my best? I want every area of my life to reflect who you are. At the end of the next 21 days God will show himself to me in a way that he never has before. I will have a better idea of God's path for my life and future.

Charles Stanley's Statement on Prayer!

2008-11-05T08:48:00.003-05:00

Even though the election is over our country is in need of much prayer. God is still in control no matter who is in the White House. This was taken from another blog that I read and thought I would pass it along (Tammy Nolan)

Prayer Changes Things....IF we do it!!!!

I read the article below from Charles Stanley this week. Just thought I'd pass it on. Most of you are probably voting the same way I am, that being with your convictions from the Word of God being the determining factor, which only gives ONE choice, but I have heard many Christians sound defeated with the election coming. It's as if we vote and then we are suppose to simply give up.
This was awesome from Charles. I hope you will all join the countless other Believers that are praying for the election. Prayer changes things, but as my Pastor said this morning, it only works if we do it!

A message from Charles Stanley--

I was very dismayed when recently a member of my Church said to me with great resignation that she was afraid Obama will take the presidency. These words came from someone that in the past has been a great prayer warrior. What is happening was my question??? Why are we Christians settling for the loss of our Christian heritage, not issuing a battle cry and falling to our knees and taking our country back? We allow ourselves to be stripped of the right to pray at school functions and in school, we have the Ten Commandments removed from government places and are told we cannot pray publicly or proclaim Christian principles, all the while providing public prayer places for Muslims. We allow Muslim mosques to operate in America funded by Saudi Arabia, and proclaim anti-American, anti-Christian threats and terrorism.

What in the world is going on and why are we being so apathetic? Why aren't we praying? Our God is an Almighty God who is waiting patiently for us to raise our voices to heaven to stop the tide of the anti-Christian actions in our world today. Now we have a charismatic, albeit inexperienced, candidate for president that does not respect our flag and refuses to wear one on his lapel except when it becomes politically expedient, and whose own wife and pastor that he loves profess to have strong anti-white feelings, and we sit back and say 'it is a given, we can do nothing???' There has never been a time in 2000 years that we can do nothing, never a time that we must sit back and allow the evil in men's and women's hearts to take over our world! We should be afraid, very afraid because our apathy is leading us to perdition.

It is time for all Christian Americans to raise the battle cry and take our nation back! Maybe McCain on his own cannot defeat Obama, but our God can and He will if we take to our knees in prayer and raise a mighty cry to the heavens to 'Save us O Lord'. We have God's promises in 2 Chronicles 7:14, 'If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.' We have the power to change the course of this election and to keep a man as suspect as Barak Obama from leading our country to who knows where with his message of 'change'; a change which I fear will be away from our Christian ideals, and away from Christ, and further away from one nation under God to one nation under Allah.

We are great at passing stories and pictures around the Internet but where are our prayers and prayer warriors praying to stop this tide of Barak Obama? God parted the Red Sea, Jesus was raised from the dead, and we can bring our country back to its Christian roots and stop the undermining of our country by Muslims. We can stop our country from being 'under Allah' but we must begin to pray, to pray as our country and our lives depended on it because they do.

We can stop all these atrocities against God's commands that have taken root in our country through something as simple as sincere prayer, a call to God to deliver us, to forgive us our sins of apathy and to protect us from the evil that is upon us.

Okay prayer warriors, here is your challenge, start those prayer chains. Get the spiritual power working on our behalf and stop Barak Obama the proper way, by calling on our God to save us from the deception that charismatic preaching is using to lead us on the wrong path. Stop those who would take God out of our country and our government. Raise up good men to lead us and protect us. George Bush is being buffeted because he has fought a holy war against the evils that attack us .... and we should not be surprised because a prophet is not honored in his own country. But we should not rest on our laurels and allow ourselves to be taken further off the path of Christianity and to have God removed from our presence in our schools, courts, government and businesses. Invite God into the fray. Ask that His power rest upon us and give us the victory. Ask him to raise up a mighty army to defend us and to protect our country as he did in days of old. Let us be victorious beginning NOW. The battle is His but we must call on Him without ceasing and unite our voices and hearts in prayer and fasting.

Please pass this around to all people of prayer that you know and maybe, just maybe, a more eloquent person of prayer will write something better and more inspiring and even the rocks will shout that Jesus is Lord and our Mighty God is with us and bringing the victory for us and ultimately for Him. AMEN!

Dr. Hunt made another great point when he said, "God may give us what we deserve (as a Nation) instead of what we ask for". No matter who wins this election, GOD is still on the Throne and in complete control of all things. There is NO power given to any man that isn't extended to him from the Creator of all things (whether he acknowledges it or not)!

Tired of being a doormat!

2008-10-20T09:39:00.003-04:00

I made this statement to some one this weekend and now I am feeling bad about it. I was frustrated and tired of being used and walked over by certain people (not any one at church). As I was reading some different blogs it hit me, I was full of conviction and remorse for the statement that I had made. Here is what God is trying to tell me. I understand what you are feeling but look at what Jesus went through for you to see the love I have for you. He was spit at, mocked, rejected, denied, cursed at, laughed at, and beaten beyond recognition and you are complaining about being a doormat; being used and walked all over. Listen if this is what you have to deal with for this person to see Christ then suffer through it because my son suffered through much more for you. Well, now that I am feeling smaller than a flea. I have realized that in showing someone Christ I will have to deal with these things and at times much worse. Does it hurt absolutely especially when it comes from someone you love. I am not going to stop what God has called me to do, even if I have to continue to be a doormat. I want this person to get saved if they're not and if they are come back to him and live according to what God's word says we should live. I will get frustrated again I am sure but I know that God has a purpose for me as well as my friend. In the end God will receive all the glory for everything that happens after all he is in control.

God is Good!

2008-10-17T06:52:00.003-04:00

After being frustrated for a few days about a situation I finally said ok, I am going to give it to God and let it go. I truly have the faith in knowing that God is in control of every situation that crosses my path. God has placed before me situation that before I thought there is no way I can get out of this, I am going to fail, I am going to be hurt, and many other thoughts. This last situation was no different I knew that eventually I would be hurt and would be faced with so many other after affects. I am not stressed out about the situation I know God is in control and He will give me the guidance, peace, and assurance as to what to do next. Yesterday I was reading Psalms 139 which I read quit often and it really spoke to me. There is not a place I can go and God not be right there with me. Even in the strangest of situations. I was encouraged as well as in awe at just how awesome God is. There are not enough words in my vocabulary to express who God is or what He means to me and what all he has done for me. Just know this He is the creator of the universe, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, merciful, savior, counselor, Prince of Peace, All Knowing, All powerful, Loving, gracious, and the list goes on and on.

In a situation that you think is not good or that you cant handle. Allow God to take control, rest in him knowing that His will is what is best for your life. I know a hard thing to do but yet the best situation. Read Psalms 139 it will be encouraging to you.

Need Some Time!

2008-10-15T11:12:00.002-04:00

The past week has really been some what stressful and depressing. ( I wont go in to details about the depressing part). Work has become overwhelming again, I don't feel as though I can get caught up on paper work and I keep getting more to do. Today when I got up I kept telling myself that I would take what teacher call a mental health day which in other terms is a day off. I was going to use this so that I could get some paper work done and then as I was driving to school I thought I just really needed to spend some time with just myself and God and go sit on the beach. When I got to work I started talking to my favorite neighbor (Jenny Lomax) and really was feeling like I needed to take Friday. Then there was an announcement about the PSAT (praise God for) and I found out that I did not have to proctor or cover a class. So, I have hid myself in a room and took care of a lot of paper work. Yeah! I am excited can you tell. Then every thing else started falling into place. My principal responded to an email that I sent about being able to go to a workshop and the school is going to pay for it, double yeah. Then I got some information about and off campus masters program. See, I have been wanting to get my masters in Ed Leadership but was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for it and how I would find the time to do all the work. Well, the program is for two years here at EW and it meets once a week. I would have to pay $109 verses $439 a credit hour and one class is 3 credits. Huge difference. God is truly showing me that he is in control and will provide the path that he wants me to take. I can but yet my little brain can't comprehend the hugeness of God. He has taken care of my problems and provided all that I need. Praise the Lord. The is light at the end of the career tunnel for me again. I wont be taking Friday off now but I am still needing to spend that one on one time with God, no distractions, no cell phones, nothing but myself and God. Maybe I will go for a long drive over the weekend.

God is awesome!

Saying I am Sorry

2008-10-09T09:24:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had to say you are sorry to some one? Wow, that is hard and the words don't always seem to come easy. I don't know what it has been but the last month maybe more (I just didn't see it yet) I have had a bad attitude and I verbally let every one know what I thought. This past Monday at the leaders meeting Kevin talked to us about the underlying iceberg in our life. (Titanic kind of iceberg) God really broke me Monday. Not only was I seeing things that I needed to change but he also showed me that my words were hurtful and discouraging. "Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." The last part of this verse was an eye opener for me. This was not my heart (the hurtful words) and I didn't want it to be who I was, so God showed me that I needed to apologize and get things right. So, God showed me who I needed to apologize to and man was that hard. I had to get some one to go with me for support but had no idea what I was doing but it helped. I told the person that I was sorry for being rude and the comments that were made. Then I had to go to someone and tell them that I was sorry for making the rude comments in front of them. I did all of this before the evening service started so that when I walked into the youth trailer I would be able to truly worship and I did. It was hard for me to say this but I knew it was something I had to do, I needed to be obedient to what God was showing me, I thankful that I was and that I did. I will say that I felt the release when I was done talking and now I have one more person that I need to have this conversation with, hopefully it will take place on Sunday.

Don't be afraid to tell someone that you are sorry, it is hard but I promise it is better to say I am sorry than to be rude and continue to say mean things. Don't let your heart be overtaken by evil and don't let your mouth spu out hateful words.

Words of Affirmation?

2008-10-07T07:22:00.003-04:00

Well, if you know me you will understand what I mean when I say this, if you don't know me then I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I am not one to take compliments well. I don't always feel or believe what they say. Over the past few weeks at church people have been given me compliments and at times I don't know how to respond. It was recently that I realize how important words of affirmation are. We don't tell people enough how much we appreciate them, how nice they look, that they are doing a great job, or just a simple thank you. I could go with a list of affirming words that we don't share with others but I wont. I think one of the most important is telling people that you love them. I should know because this comes hard for me. Over a period of time (very long) I have heard people use these words to get what they want, to deceive, to make the other person feel something that really isn't there and I have always told myself that I wont say those words unless I truly mean them. Society uses them too flippantly. To the person who has been so kind to give me words of affirmation; you have no idea what this means to me, I appreciate it and you.

The next time you have an opportunity to tell someone that they look nice, have done a good job, that you love them, you appreciate them and so many other compliments we should give others. To my friends you have no idea what you mean to me, I appreciate all of you, each one has a special place in my heart. To my students you hold a special place in my heart as well and it is a privilege to be able to work with you.

Crazy Business doesnt equal to anything.

2008-10-06T09:47:00.002-04:00

I feel like I am running in circles. I feel like my life is busy, crazy and always on the go. This past weekend I actually had some time to sit a reflect on some things that have taken place. Wow, I really haven't had time to sit and soak things in. A while back I was reading Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. I was over taken by a statement from the book about business. We can be busy doing things for God and miss God completely. We can be so involved in church and on the go and every thing looks good on the outside but in reality you are not where God wants you. I have had conversation with a friend a few times now and all I hear is how much they are doing for others and I hear that things are starting to get a little frustrating for them. They feel like their time with God is redundant and they cant seem to get away from the feeling. I began to ask them some questions about the time they spend with God and what they were reading and things they were praying for. Wow, I was surprised and so were they when they realized that they were rushing through God as much as they were rushing through life. While we were talking I was reminded of the song and verse "Be Still and Know I am God". I told them that there are times when I just sit and listen to God and I don't even say a word. We all need to be still and just spend time with God. He doesn't want the redundant time, or the lets get this over with time, or lets just say I spent time with God time; no God wants quality. He wants to be recognized and worshipped, honored and glorified. I am not having more conversation with them about things that are going on, trying to be an encouraging person in a positive way.

How is your time spent with God? Where is your priority? Are you rushing through life, through God? I have learned the hard way to be still, when God takes hold and shows you that he wants you to be still at times it is not the easiest because we tend to see things that we don't want to see. It is a humbling experience. God is waiting to spend some time with you, open us His word and ask him to show you something new.

Response!

2008-10-02T09:43:00.003-04:00

After church last night a student came up to me and asked to speak to me, and of course we went to talk. As we got outside she began to explain to me that she didn't think she was saved. I was excited but nervous at the same time (always scared I will say the wrong thing). The Holy spirit gave me the words to say Praise God for that. By the time we were done talking I told her that I would pray for her and that if she felt lead to pray for her to pray, and so she did. She gave her life to Christ.

So here is some thing that I am taking from this. About a week ago a person made a comment about me that made me question why I teach a Sunday school class and even lead a small group Wednesday nights. I don't really want to repeat the statement because it really isn't worth repeating. But here is where I am with it right now. I love teaching and having a small group. I have learned over the years being involved in ministry (leadership) that people are not going to agree with me and they may not even like me, I am going to get my feelings hurt. This past week I have had this thought running through my head why am I teaching, why do I have a group on Wednesday nights, and then last night God showed me exactly why. Of course some one else could have lead this girl to the Lord but God allowed me the opportunity, and several other opportunities. I am not here to have everyone agree with me; I am here to teach God's word and demonstrate His love to others. This is the gift I have been given by God and feel that this is where I can serve him and others. God is using me and I am not going to let someone not agreeing with me or liking me stop. The only one who has a right to tell me I can't do this any more is a pastor and God. I am going to keep living for Jesus and doing what he has called me to do.

Masks we wear!

2008-10-02T09:29:00.004-04:00

Last night in youth we started a new series titled Unmasked. Wow, God really spoke. Last night was the mask of denial and that fact that we deny Christ in so many different ways. We deny him by our actions, not taking a stand, being involved in ungodly things, deny the opportunities to share/witness. Looking at Peter he told Jesus that he would never deny him and Peter did, in fact not just once but three times Peter denied Jesus. When I read that I thought what are some things that I said I wouldn't do but in turn did them. Am I wearing the mask of denial, and if so what am I denying? At some point I am sure I am have and will wear one of the masks but I pray that my belief and faith is God so strong that I wont just dwell in my mask but that God will convict me and I will remove the mask and move on. The devil is waiting to destroy us but God says I love you and I have forgiveness for you receive it, remove the mask, get up and live for me.

What mask are you wearing. Are you living a lie denying who you are or who Christ is in your life. God loves you and wants you to live a real life unto Him. Take the mask off be real with God; he is real with us.

Stepping out of the Box

2008-09-24T08:55:00.003-04:00

Monday evening a student (from EW) called me and needed to talk about a situation and was asking my advise. I don't know if what I said was the best thing but I think it is her only option. Before the conversation ended I told her that she needed to go to church. funny thing she says that she was thinking about that earlier, but she was afraid that if she went to church every one would stare at her like there was some thing wrong. So, that opened the door for me to tell her that she could come to PL and I would be there and that no one would treat her differently. She then said that she needed to go buy some clothes because she didn't have church clothes, I was happy to explain that we are not that type of church. She so called yesterday and explained that things were looking better and that her cousin even asked to go to church with her, I said more the merrier. I pray that they all show up for church tonight and God just moves in a way that they cant help but to respond. I expect God to do something tonight.

Step out of your box and let God work.

Why I was motivated to do what I did!

2008-09-24T08:40:00.003-04:00

A while back (over the summer I think) Aaron and Kevin taught lessons on what motivates us. This message has come to my attention and I am asking what motivated what I did. For the past month I have had a friend of mine of my thoughts and I have done nothing about it. For me it is somewhat strange to pick up the phone and call someone that you haven't talked to you a while and say hey. This past weekend was different, I decided that I was going to send them a text and say hello and let them know that I was thinking about them. I am pretty sure they are not a christian and I feel like God was telling me that I needed to break the ice and say hello. I am now questioning my motives. Did I really do this because God told me to, or because of selfish reasons, do I really miss this person, or is there some other reason. There have been hurt words between myself and this person but there is one little comment that keeps playing over in my head that which maybe the motivating factor for me to call. "I wonder what death is like" Wow, this person is not saved and if they are, they are so far from God that maybe this is God's way of bringing them back to him. I don't know, I just know that God has never left me alone and I don't want to leave my friend alone. I don't want to be motivated by the wrong things in life but yet I cant face the thought of someone I know dying without Jesus. I have been forgiven shouldn't I forgive as well. It may not be a good situation but I believe and know that God is in control. I have to pray Proverbs 3:5-6. I need to trust God. I don't want to mention names because I don't know you all reads this blog but I will nick name them J.Z. please pray for them and the opportunity for me to share the love that Christ as shared with me unconditional, non-judgemental love.

Why are we motivated by so many different things? I only want to be motivated by things that will increase His Kingdom and to show off His glory.

FNL!

2008-09-19T22:48:00.004-04:00

Well, lets just say I couldn't wait to get home so that I could blog about this night. I must say that it was a day that was some what frustrating and discouraging at some point in the day plus I dont think it help that I wasn't feeling well.
Well, God had something great in store for me tonight. As always we started off with music and the band from Trinity was really good. Brian Sheperd brought us the word and wow God really used his mouth. He read from Matthew 26 talking about Jesus praying in the garden before his arrest and how he was asking God was there any other way besides him going to the cross, and said "Not my will but your will". Jesus new what was about to happen to him and was asking for another way but knew that this was God's will. As Christians we tend to think that just because we are Christians that this life is going to be easy and things that we pray for are going to be granted. God shows us through theses passages that is not always true. Jesus explained it in his prayer in the garden Matthew 26:39"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." We pray and ask God for things but what we don't think about is what God's will is for what we are praying for. As Christians we are going to be hurt we are going to feel all alone, left out betrayed, we are going to be left heart broken but we need to pray the Christian prayer focusing on God's will and not our own. This is a truth that some people tend to forget but just because we get saved doesn't mean the the path we are on is going to be easy. In fact we are going to continue to face some difficult situations it is how we pray and seek God and how our lives line up with his will. Here is what God spoke specifically to me about tonight. It is not about who is around, who my friends are or aren't, where I am at or who I am with I need to focus on God and God alone. His will for my life needs to be evident in everything I do. So, I said ok God if it is just the two of us so be it, your will not mine. I am so grateful for the message and how God spoke to me. At the end of the message the band got back up there and sand a few more songs and the last two I must say were awesome. I wish I knew the words to them or had the song because I would put it in here but I don't. I can say that I really worshiped tonight in music and in word. God you are awesome and I want my life to line up with yours, not my will but your be done.

EW Bible Study

2008-09-18T09:43:00.002-04:00

This morning was my first time leading a Bible study at my school and I must say God gave me the idea. At first I couldn't think of any thing so I was going to piggy back off of our Wednesday night topic on prayer. Well, God had some thing different in mind. Last night as Kevin was teaching he was reading out of I Samuel 16 and God said this is what I want you to talk to the students about. so, I did. I started off with a question; Have you ever had the thought, there is no way I can do that, what about everything that I have done, I am not good enough for that yeah right me. Then I read Ch. 16:6-13 about the anointing of David as King. The youngest of his brothers, the smallest of his brothers. I explained that when it comes to what God wants for us he is not concerned with our past, our faults, or lack of faith in ourselves God is concerned with our heart and David's heart was in the right place. I told them that because of who God is in us we are very capable of doing whatever God asks of us. We may be a little hesitant and scared but all we need to do is trust that God is in control and everything will be ok.

We had about students this morning which is about three more than we have had and added one more adult. I must say that God really took me out of my comfort zone for this because it was a male teacher that sat with us this morning. For those of you who know me this is something I normally do not do, but God wanted differently. (scary thought) There was a comment about the male teacher being with baptist and him being Presbyterian, I wanted to say well it is not about the affiliation but who and what we believe in but I didn't. I am so grateful for the opportunity and am looking forward to many more lessons taught and learned.

Remember God is not concerned with the outward appearance but he is concerned about our heart, is your heart right with God?

Bible Study at School

2008-09-16T07:59:00.002-04:00

Well, I am doing my first Bible study on Thursday here at Ed White. I must say I am very nervous. I have taught before so this shouldnt be hard and I shouldnt be nervous but I am and it is. I am not sure yet what I am going to study for this I know God will give me something to study and discuss. I think the biggest concern is that I only have about 10 minutes to go over some thing. I know God will see me through because He will bring the word. The hardest thing for me is to find some thing to discuss but I know God will reveal himself and give me a verse or more to carry the discussion.

This morning was the first get together of the year and there were two students with three adults.(Not a very good teacher student ratio) I pray that God would double this number for thursday and by the end of the year He has made us move into Houston Hall or even the auditorium because there are so many students showing up. Please pray for me and the group that it will just reflex God's image and over flow into the rest of the school.

We are also starting Fellowship of Christian Athletes. There were twelve students last night that showed up and I pray that they would double as well. I know God is going to do great things at EW this year, I am looking forward to seeing it and hopefully being a part of it.

What to do!

2008-09-15T11:21:00.002-04:00

Just now as I let my student out for lunch I walked across the hall to get my and head back to my room when I saw a student that should have been in my room before lunch. (skipping?) Well, he walked by and waved and I called him over. Now let me say that this is a student that has told me he spokes pot but he is trying to quit because he is trying to change his life and of course I am willing to help. So, when he walks over to me I asked him where he had been but he didnt give me a straight anser. His eyes are glassy and red so I tell him to look at me, which he cant do. So I then asked him "why did I just ask you to look at me" he just smiled. I told him that he needed to go home because he was not in the right mind to attend school today. He then told me that it was from earlier this morning. I am shocked but not shocked. I really dont know what to do. The teacher in me says call and turn him in, but the christian in me says I need to help him get clean. This student trusts me and I want him to change because he is able to change and encourage others around him to change as well. I am really stuck as to what to do. I have told the student from day one that there is something special about him. I really want to help him make a difference but at this point I dont know if he really wants the help.

For thos reading this please pray for this student I will give him the name of Mickey. I hope that he will continue to trust me and that I can some how convience him to stop the drugs and get his life right.

Sunday School Lesson On Captivating

2008-09-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

The Fall of Adam and EVE!
Question one: Where was Adam when Eve was getting ready to sin and eat from the tree? I have read in Genesis and the only thing that it says was that Adam was with Eve but it never says he said anything to Eve. Here was something that I took to heart. At times (more so than not) I am an in control type of person. Here is what captivating says about that. Women like to be in control because of what Adam didnt do, (not to put blame on him) but with this we have the lack of faith and trust in God, therefore we take matters into our own hands. I began to explain to the girls that God is a relational God and He desires a relationship with us. (this was actually last weeks lesson) After Adam Eve ate of the fruit they hid themselves from each other and God because they were ashamed of what they had done as well as what they saw in each other. No matter how much we try there is not way we can hide from God, neither could Adam and Eve. God dealt with them and punished them and to this day we still see the punishment of Adam and Eve. (That is another blog)

At the end of my lesson I talked about about relationships, whether it be family, friends, or dating that first our relationship with God needs to be right before we can focus on other relationships in our life. Trust God with the small things in life because when the big stuff happens it will be easier to Trust God. I also told the girls that first and foremost their relationship with God needed to be the most important and that is what they needed to focus on more than anything. Everything after that will line up according to the WORD.

Read Genesis 2-3

Almost One Year Ago!

2008-09-09T07:24:00.003-04:00

The other day it was brought to my attention that it will soon be one year ago October 1 that a former student of mine was murdered. I must say that when I got the news I was devastated. I felt helpless, frustrated and my heart broke for many reasons. This student had been in trouble many times before but yet a few weeks before had made a commitment to get his life right, he would have entered a program to get him clean and off the streets. This happened at a westside apartment complex that in my opinion should be demolished due to the violence it has had over the years. Although he was a troubled young man there was still something special about him and his memory will still be with me.

Here is what my thoughts are about this. As a teacher in a public school I pray everyday that I dont ever have to hear news like this again. I want to make a difference in the lives of my students. I want them to know that I care about them and that I want the best for them. I have so many thoughts about what I want to do but I know it will take help from many different areas of the city of Jacksonville to accomplish this but I am going to start some where. So, why not start with my school. Lets hold a rally where students are talked to and at the end given the choice to let go of the weapons and the drugs with no penalty and then are set up with some form of counseling at the school to ensure that they will continue to be drug free and free from violence. I know I have a long way to go with this but making the first step is the best thing to do.

The challenge for myself is this: I need to speak with the principal to see his thoughts on this. Then from there I am not sure but I have to help some how some way. I see too much of this every day with my students and I dont want to experience hearing another student was killed due to drugs or gang related things. If you feel led, lets work together. Your prayers in this will be greatly appreciated.

Captivating

2008-08-25T10:05:00.002-04:00

So, I am reading CAPTIVATING by John and Stasi Eldredge. This is looking at women and why we do things the way we do. I must say I am just starting chapter three and my eyes have been open to new things. It is amazing to see why God created us the way he did. Not that I have ever asked "God why did you create me to be a women?" but that I see why I desire to be in a relationship, to have the fairy tale dreams, to be apart of an adventure. Here is a quote from the book that all women should grasp hold of " Because she bears the image of. She doesnt have to conjure it, go get it from a salon, have plastic surgery or breast implants. No, beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation." So, I wanted to shout this to the world after I read this. This is exactly what God has been telling me to share to women young and old(er). He created us perfect in His site; we should not care what society says we should look like.

If you struggle with self image both male and female go back a read the quote form the book, God created both male and female in his image. He knew what he was dong when he created us and we do not need this world to tell us we were a mistake, that we are deformed, that we are ugly, we dont fit our body, or what ever the situation is for you. Allow God to be God in your life and He will show you why you were created the way you are. Grab hold of your identity in Christ not a worldly identity.

Going Through the Storm!

2008-08-23T10:54:00.003-04:00

Well, the storm as passed, thank God, because the last three days have been very boring and frustrating. Wednesday evening I started thinking about the message from Camp "Would I follow Jesus into a storm" during this message there were points to how we should repsond while being in the storm. Even though this was not a personal storm I still feel that I failed miserably. I have really been praying that the messages from camp would come to mind often and I guess this was God's way of saying Jenny here in one message that I want you to remember because you are going to follow me into a storm and you need to be ready. Well, I hope after this I will be a little more prepared. I have no idea what or when the storm is coming in in what form but I will trust that God is in control and knows what he is doing with my life. After all it is not my life anyways.

Summer Is Over!

2008-08-19T09:33:00.003-04:00

Well, yesterday was our first day back with the students and I must say that it went better than I expected. There is usually something out of the ordinary that happens on the first day of school, but not yesterday; at least not for me. I stood out in the hallways to help students find there way and one student (wont mention names) saw me and the expression on her face was priceless. She really did light up when she saw me, I think only because she new me (not because I am special lol). Then I went to assist another student and when she heard my voice she realized who I was and give me the biggest hug. (No she is not blind she just never looked up) So, after seeing the two of these students it one made my day and two made me really think and pray about how I wanted to make a difference in the lives of our (my) students, not just at work either. I have heard the statement time and time again you cant help everyone, maybe not but I sure an going to try. I have seen some of the worst situations with students and I dont want to add to the pain or frustrations. So, for those who read this please pray for me, the school (Ed White), my students, and the impact God allows me to be in their lives.

Titus 2:7-8 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching who show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that can not be condemned, so that those who oppose you may may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

I pray that everything I say and do lines up with who I am in Christ and that my students will see Christ in me. Give me the opportunity to share Christ verbally with one or more students.

Not saying goodbye!

2008-08-11T21:41:00.003-04:00

Ok, so last night a very dear friend left for seminary. There were so many tears that fell; some in sadness and some that were rejoicing. Mixed emotions. I have learned over the past years that the ministry will bring people into your life and will take them away. I am the type of person that when I make a friend I don't like to let go, but God has taught me that I am not letting go because if God is the Lord of our lives then He will bring us back together. I look at how Aaron reached out to me but mostly the way he pored his life into the students. So here are a few things that I couldn't say the night he left.

Aaron thank you so much for being a friend. You challenged my faith by making me examine what I believe and why I believe it. When I didn't think I could do something you gave me the encouraging words to help me through it. You listened to me when I complained, or was mad; sometimes you responded and sometimes you just listened. I admire the way you were with the students and how much they truly love you. You showed me how to take my faith and the ministry of the youth to another level; in a way you taught me how to get out of the box. I know that our students are going to miss you but the impact that you made in their lives will last a life time. Who ever comes into help will never replace you because you are irreplaceable and I truly mean that. Thank you so much for being a friend and for giving me encouragement and the challenge. You will be missed greatly. May God keep you safe. Praying for you always.

See you soon!

Camp Summary

2008-08-11T21:11:00.002-04:00

Ok, I am finally going to blog about camp. It was an amazing week seeing God and how he worked in the lives of our students as well as mine. God is awesome. These are notes that I took so please know that this is how God spoke to me.
FAITH 2 0
Day 1 Kevin taught from John 4:7-14 The woman at the well. 7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a])
10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."
11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"
13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." Kevin used the illustration of fresh water and salt water. The world being the salt water and Jesus being the fresh water. Jesus is the living water! Where amd I at with God, am I satisfied or dissatified? The bottle water represents God's vision and the salt water represents my own vision. Stop dreaming little things, God wants to use you for amazing things. Here are some questions that were asked: What does God have for me? How does God want to use me? Do I want the vision God has for me?
God wants to give us our vision for our life but the things we hold on to inhibit us to see that vision. What am I holding on to that keeps me from God's vision for my life? You cant mix the fresh with the salt (old)?
After the session we broke off into small groups and we asked two questions. How do you think God can use you? No limits! what is holding you back?

Day 2 Aaron taught Exodus 15:22-2522 Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. 23 When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah. [a] ) 24 So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What are we to drink?"
25 Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became sweet. There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them.
Often times things happen in our life and we dont see God in it at all. In actuallity he is in it from the start. Faith comes from obedience.
It is easy to get caught up in someone else's relationship with God. Continue to sit there and wait and tha tis not what God is wanting us to do. God wants me to tackle the idea of what he is doing and wants to do with my life. Who am I and who am I in Christ? God doesnt intend for me to walk through this life alone. Take ownership of my faith! The situation you are in right now is not the end all.

Day 3 Johnny taught

I didnt take a lot of notes this night because there was one thing that stood out to me above anything else. We are always praying to God to help us through the storm. the first statement that was made am I willing to follow Jesus into a storm. We always tend to stand on the outside but why not follow Him in, especially if that is what He is calling us to do.
Storm creates:
1. uncertainty
2. Fear and anxiety
3. Isolation
4. Opportunity for God to do something incredibl, unimaginable and inexpected.
How to respond in a storm!
1. Expect it.
2. Embace it.
3. Endure it.
True disciples follow Christ.

Ok so I have three more lessons to go through but I am going to stop for now. For those of you who did not know a groupd of people got together for about 6 weeks prior to camp and started praying that God would show up and that He would move. God really answered our prays ten fold. One of the nights I prayed before we started that we would experience the Lord's supper like never before, God also answered that prayer. Students and adults lives were changed. Praise God.

Awesome Week at Camp and a Great Ending

2008-08-07T20:17:00.001-04:00

As we pulled into the parking lot of church I was so glad to be home but yet wanted a few more days at camp. I walked back over to the van to clean it out and Bro. Jace walked up to me and asked if I heard about my sister. I got a little strange feeling but then thought if it was bad my family would have called me. So he she didnt even call you, no my sister hadnt called me and I hadnt really talked to her except to call and ask her to bring me my vehicle. Normally I leave my car at the church but for some reason she insisted that she come and pick it up so she did. Ok so back to the story. Jace begins to explain that he saw her name on the decision card from sunday and said either she got saved or she made a profession of faith. I was so excited either way. So I got my stuff and put it in the car and off we went. I was talking about things that happened at camp and then she begins to explain how awesome Tony Nolan was. She told me that she went forward and at first was doing a rededication but when Tommy Mallard grabbed her hand and said know for sure she knew she didnt know for sure and so she said she wanted to know for sure and nailed it down that day. You see I have known for a while that my sister had been doubting because of conversations and so I just really prayed that God would reveal to her where she stood with him. My prayers have been answered. I know there are several people out there that are praying for friends and family to get saved and I am praying for them as well and I pray that I will one day be able to rejoice with you the way others rejoiced with me about my sister. She called me this morning and told me that she was getting baptized the first sunday in September.

God I am so amazed at how you work in so many areas. Thank you for answering my prayers about saving my sister as well as answering our prayers about camp. Thank you!

More to come about camp.

No TV

2008-07-28T16:07:00.002-04:00

Ok, so last night at church we did the Lord's supper which was awesome. During that time I was thinking what could I do to really get my focus where it needs to be and be ready for camp. So, this is what I came up with. I watch a lot of tv when there is nothing else to do or the weather is bad; especially when I am going to sleep. I thought I needed the tv to help me fall asleep. Last night when I got home (which was very late) I thought how can I do this, I need something to listen to so that I dont hear the creeks and dogs barking, so I read a little and then turned out the lights and the next thing I know it is 6:30 and the alarm is going off. I did it I went to sleep with no tv last night. I havent really watched tv today went over to my grandfathers while I was breaking from the hard labor I was doing today and the tv was on but didnt pay any attention to it. Pleaes dont mistake this for fasting because I dont consider it to be that. To me that is much more indepth intimate time. I just dont want any distractions before camp and I really want to have a prepared heart. I believe God is going to do great things while we are at camp and maybe this will be something that I need to remove from my life any way and devote more time to God. So, if you are reading this please pray for as we are away at camp. We leave on 8/1 - 8/6. I am so excited as to what God is going to do and how is is going to change lives.

What is my MOTIVATOR!

2008-07-23T22:36:00.002-04:00

For the past few weeks on Wednesday nights we have been learning about what we should not be motivated by: fear, guilt and tradition. Tonight we learned what we should be motivated by: Love. I Corinthians 13:1-8 "1)If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2)And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3) If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned but have not love, I gain nothing.4)Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5)or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6)it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8)Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9)For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
is an example of love and that without love we have nothing. At times I will admit that I do not understand love but yet I know that God loves me, that my parents love me and that there are certain people (friends) that I know love me, but the question is do I love them the way God loves them. Am I motivated by love because of who Christ is in me and the love He has bestowed to me. I want my life to be motivated by love and nothing else and that love be a God love and the same kind of love that was and is shown to be daily.

Painting a picture of Christ!

2008-07-21T09:40:00.002-04:00

Saturday evening I had gone to dinner with my family. After dinner we went over to my mom and dads. It started raining as we were on our way home and we saw a man and a young child walking in the rain. My sister made this statement "I wish I wasnt scared I would offer him a ride." At that point I said I have an umbrella that we can offer to give him. So we turned around and pulled up next to him and offered him the umbrella. He was hesitant at first to even stop walking and even more hesitant to take the umbrella but he did and put it over the child. I dont know really if this was painting a picture of God or not. I was happy to know that my sister had the first idea. Kevin if you read this your message made an impression on my sister, thank you. I will remember this message and pray that I am painting a picture of Christ in my actions and words.

What is the right thing to do?

2008-07-18T10:13:00.003-04:00

OK, sorry to those who read this but I need to vent. I have recent caught someone cheating. A very close friend almost like family is dating this guy and I caught him cheating, hard core evidence of him and the girl. I dont understand how people cheat whether it be a man or a women married or dating. I just dont get it. If you you dont want to be with that person then break up with them or tell them you want a divorce (which I dont agree with) it is better than cheating and many people getting hurt in the process of cheating. My heart is breaking for my friend because I dont know what to do. I have thought about just telling her but I cant break her heart like that, then I thought about confronting him but there is not telling what he will do in return. I pray that his conscience gets the best of him but I dont think that people who cheat have a conscience. I am so flustered and frustrated that I cant think straight. I have had mean thoughts about this person and I know it is wrong, I just hope and pray that in the end my friend will wise up to his cheating and move on, and that he will get what he deserves. (Wrong thought, I dont know but there needs to be some sort of punishment). Do people who are lost have a conscience and if so how do you get them to see the wrong. I am reminded or the message from this past sunday "Painting a Picture of Chirst" in this situation how do I paint a picture of Christ? I pray that God will guide me and I pray for my friend that when this comes out she will know that she does not deserve to be treated like this. No one deserves to be cheating on.

God help me to better understand why I saw this today and what I am suppose to do with this information. Any kind of input would be greatly appreciated. I trust God that you are in control and this is happening for a reason, please help myself and my friend to understand a little better why.

Vacation Update

2008-07-13T21:29:00.002-04:00

Last Sunday while I was on vacation I went to a church that I had heard was really good. (wont mention the name) I walked in and a somewhat early because I wasnt sure where I was going. Once I got inside I found the sanctuary and went in and sat down. I was about 20 minutes early. So I just sat and observed. As I continued to sit and watch the people walk by and to my surprise now one spoke to me, not even the pastor when he walked by. The message was ok and the music was ok. It felt as those the worship leaders were force to lead worship not really heart felt that I noticed. I left dueing the prayer for the offering and as I got to my car I just paused for a moment and thank God for my church. I am happy to attend a church the is friendly and welcoming. I remember my first day at PLBC everyone was very nice and spoke to me. Maybe I needed to attend this church to appreciate where I am and attend church. I have a pastor that has a heart for people and teaches the truth and youth pastor who is awesome and gifted and what he does and allows me to serve in his ministry. Think you are unhappy at a church and want to find something better or different (not that I was doing that please dont misunderstand what I am saying) be very careful about where you go do a little research before you attend. I love my church and my church family.

In Love With Jesus!

2008-06-26T07:48:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I have tried to blog but I have had problems with my computer. I think I have fixed the problem. So here is what I have wanted to blog about.

This past Sunday in conversation with someone about ministry there was a statement that was made that really made me think about my love for Jesus. Here is the conversation as best I can remember it; "There is a street ministry that is getting ready to start, let me know what I can do, you are dedicated, I wouldnt say that, well you are in love with Jesus right?" Ok so I left out some of what was said but hopefully you get the idea of where I am going with this. So Monday I didn't do anything but think about this statement. Am I in love with Jesus? Do I love him the way he loves me? Jesus is so in love with me that he gave his life for me.( What an example of true love) So my thoughts were how can I love him the way he loves me, I dont think I can other than surrender everything I have and am to Jesus. Even the little things. The past two days I have been reading about being lukewarm and some of the characteristics that describe this kind of person. This made me really think about the love I have for Jesus. I felt ashamed but yet revived to know that I serve a God who loves me and shows me mercy, grace, peace, forgiveness and love which he is not limited to just these. Every day is a new day and I am so blessed to serve a God who is alive and living today. I want to fall in love with Jesus every day with a sincere surrendered heart.

If you want to read a book that will make you think about your relationship with God then check out this link. http://crazylovebook.com/ or go to Francis Chan and listen to some of his blogs. He has challenged me in ways I cant explain completely.

Power In Prayer

2008-06-18T11:20:00.002-04:00

Don't believe prayer works, here is proof that it does. About three weeks ago Kaylee Daniels (16 year old youth student at PLBC) left for 59 days in the Philippines. This is the first example that God hears and answers prayers. We had been praying that Kaylee would get accepted into the program and she did, then we prayed that God would provide the moneys for the trip and he did. This past Sunday we heard that Kaylee and her teammates were very sick and seemed to be getting worse. Monday night a group of us met and prayed together that they would get better. There was about 13 or so of us there and it was so sweet to hear everyone pray. Even Mom and Dad Daniels were there with us. It was sweet. Today I got a text saying that Kaylee was no longer sick and doing much better and had written a blog. God listens and answers prayers. Praise God Kaylee and most of the team members are better. Please pray for the remaining team member that is still not feeling well. Also, if you are reading this please pray for Kaylee as she will be teaching a True Love Waits lessons this weekend.

God you are awesome, thank you for listening to the cries or your children and helping Kaylees and the other team members get better. Help the other girl to feel better as well. Give them the words to share your love, grace and mercy with others. In Christ name, Amen.

Kaylee if you get to read this I am praying for you. We all miss you but I know God has big things in store for you. I pray that at the end of the trip you will know if God is truly calling you to be a missionary, which personally I think he is. I know you are ready for it. God bless you and keep you safe. Love you.

Old Friends

2008-06-04T10:13:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I wrote about a child hood friend passing away. Last night I went to the viewing and it was harder than I thought. I tried to fight back the tears but as I was standing there speaking to a lady that worked at the funeral home she began to explain things that I really didnt care to know about and it brought tears to my eyes. Then as I was leaving one of the girls (lady) I see almost every day was coming in and she was having hard time which made it worse for me. I just wanted to go home and sit by myself. I didnt want to talk to any one or even answer the phone. I dont know what else to say other than I am sad for her children, parents, sibling, other family members and friends. The one thing that Jennifer's mother said last night was that she wasnt in any more pain and she was at peace. Those were very comforting words. I knew she was saved but it just made things better to hear that.

Today Oswald's verse was The Never-forsaking God
He Himself has said, ’I will never leave you nor forsake you’ —Hebrews 13:5 I truely find comfort in ths verse because even in times like this I know that God is with me and with those who are mourning the loss of a mother, daughter, sister and friend. I am so grateful that I have a Heavenly Father that is beside me holding my hands during every situation that comes my way.

The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly.
In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you.
You did not go alone,
for part of us went with you
the day God called you home.

You left us peaceful memories.
Your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you,
you are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one,
the Chain will link again.

Child Hood Friends

2008-06-03T08:06:00.003-04:00

This morning as I am getting dressed (6am) the phone rings and at first I wasnt going to answer it but I thought it must be important for some one to call me that earlier in the morning. So, I answered and it was my Mom, but I didnt think anything of it. Here is what she said; "I have some news for you (pause) Jennifer Ricks passed away" The breathe was removed from my lungs at that point and I didnt know what to do or say. I dont know what happened or any details about this situation. I tried not to cry on the pnone with my mom but as soon as I hung up the phone it was like a river. All I could think about were the things we did as young girls. I played softball with Jennifer and spent a lot of time over at her house. Even though I went to church with my grandmother from time to time Jennifer was the only person (friend) I remember ever inviting me to church. In fact the morning I got saved Jennifer was right beside me. She was a good friend. There was this game that we played on her tramopline call break the egg. We were playing one day and I was holding onto my feet so tight that I was bounced off the trampoline and onto the ground. That hurt but I got right back up. I remember her laughing at me but I acted like it didnt even bother me. We always swam in her pool, and just had a blast together. Good memories of things we did when we were kids. After the memories rushed my thoughts I started to cry more and ask God I dont understand why there is so much death around me. God are you trying to get me to see some thing, do I need to grab hold of you even more, trust you a little more, what is it? I am not upset with God because He has a reason for everything that takes place and is in control of every situation. I find comfort in that. How do I comfort that family, what do I say? Tonight is the viewing and tomorrow is the funeral. I plan on attending both at this point but not 100% sure about going to the funeral. I dont do well at funerals but then again who does. Please pray for the family as this I am sure is a hard time for them.

Waiting at Chic-Fil-A

2008-06-02T13:07:00.002-04:00

So, the students leave at 11:30 due to finals and I decided that I would go grab lunch from my favorite fast food place Chic-fil-a. As I pull into the parking lot it was pretty busy and the drive through is usually fast so I figured I would just wait in the drive through. So, I am waiting and can't pull up any further than where I was or I would block the people coming out from the drive through line. So I am waiting and while I am waiting I am texting and I see this big black truck pull up beside me and this lady start yelling profanity at me where the **** do you think you are going. Now let me remind you that I can't pull up any further. My first reaction was to yell back, but I didn't. At the time I didn't have any music playing in the car and so I thought I am going to pray for this lady, and so I did. Here is what I prayed, "God let this lady slow down before she ends up in an accident and hurts someone or herself. If she is not saved let her experience who you are." I have never done that before and only God knows why I did that today. I only hope and pray that God would remind me of this more often, especially when I am driving. I know I can be very impatient when in comes to driving, I dont want to be like that any more.

I challenge you with this; someone cuts you off, flips you off, yells at you while driving (in the car with you or not) lift that person up in prayer. It maybe the only time they have been prayed for. Thank you God for allowing me that experience.

Graduation Ceremony

2008-05-30T12:19:00.002-04:00

Last night I was able to attend the graduation ceremony for Trinity. As I sat there waiting for things to get started I was hoping for a speaker that would capture my attention. Funny thing I leaned over to the person sitting next to me and said it would be great if Tony Nolan was speaking tonight (that thought only came after I saw his father-in-law sitting in the audience). Yeah, it was Tony speaking, I knew it was going to be good.I wish I had a pen and paper last night to take notes. It was better than good. Tony gave a message to the students that every young person needs to hear and be challenged with. He told them three things they need to know; Say no to the devil, say yes to God and do your best. One of the statements that he made which is so true because I have experienced it and seen it first hand and that is after a few months of newly graduating students attend church for a short period of time and then they decide this isnt for me, you cnat make me go any more, or they get so caught up in the college life they forget about God. He gave a story about a convient store clerk and how she was being robbed and the robber had a gun under his shirt and when he asked for the money the girl say no, he continued to ask and she continued to say no. The robber got angry and took his arm out and pushed everything on the counter onto the floor and the girl realized that he did not have a gun so the girl began to beat him up. We need not allow the devil to threaten us because he has been disarmed and we have victory because of who God is and what he did for us. I was so encouraged last night by Tony, I walked out going what else can I do to help assist a younger generation stand firm and say no to the devil and yes to God.

My prayer and challenge for myself.
God help me to not stop the relationships that I have developed with so many of the seniors. Help me to be an encouragement to them that they would continue in church and would seek your guidance and be in your will. Put people in their lives that will encourage, hold them accountable, and challenge them to live a life obedient to you.

Tony if you ever read this I just want to say thank you so much for who you are and for who God is in you. God has blessed you with the ability to preach his word in a way that causes every one that hears to respond. Thank you for all you do.

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

2008-05-29T10:04:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I started reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, which by the way is eye opening. I am not much of a reader but I cant put it down. The second chapter was about life being so short and what we are doing with our lives during the short period. I am reminded of several different stories about death and how my heart breaks when I hear about someone dying. Why is death so hard for us (me to deal with)? I guess I understand death and that there are two places you go when you die, thank you God that you loved me enough to send your son so that I could spend eternity with you, are you going to heaven or hell? Such a simple question but yet there are such distorted answers as to where there destination lies and why. I know I am going to heaven because I put my faith and trust in God, the God who created this world, the God you allowed His Son to die a painful, horrific death so that I can be with Him in eternity. Just that last statement sends chills up my spine.What a great example of love. With the stories that I have heard about death I have wondered what God was up to. There are three no four stories of parents loosing a child, I have either read it through someones blog or on the news. I first read a blog about Todd and Angie of which I have never met but my heart broke when I read the story of their daughter dying after spending a very short few hours with them. The next was of Steven Curtis Chapman and his family dealing with the death of their adopted daughter after a tragic accident, a member of my brothers church finally getting to take their premature baby home after weeks of being in the hospital and the baby dieing of SIDS, and now another member of Todd and Angie's family loose their infant. A very close family friend dealing with the lose of both grandparents dieing on the same day. God I dont understand but I trust that you are in control of every situation. I think about Angie and Todd and baby Audrey and how her life and story are touching the lives of others, God is in control, I am amazed at how God would use death to bring salvation.

Yes, I know I started this blog out by talking about a book I am reading and now I am talking about death. Here is the point to this. Our life here on earth is so short like the dash between dates on a tomb. I have to ask myself what kind of legacy will I leave behind. Will people attend my funeral (morbid thought I know) and say wow, she really lived her life for God or will they say nothing. I want my life to count for Christ. May my life leave a lasting impression on the people that knew me. Are you making your life count and for what is it counting for?

For those you reading this that are mourning the lose of a loved one. Please know that I am praying for God peace to be with and may his outstretched arms give you comfort. God is in control of every situation both good and bad and he has a perfect plan that is being played out every second of everyday.

Making People Think Before They Speak

2008-05-28T11:53:00.001-04:00

Here is a funny story but yet someone serious. As I was walking back to my class after lunch I walked into another teacher's room and as usual we were picking on each other. I guess I some what hit a nerve with one comment and he says "I almost forgot you have christian ears and I almost said something really bad." I was caught off guard. People at work are thinking before they say things around me, wow God is even working in the lives of my co-workers. I have had conversations with some of my co-workers about church and ministry but never did I think it would result in them watching what they say to me or around me. I have their respect, which is hard at time for me to understand. I have asked myself many times if people I come in contact with see Christ in me, am I representing who God is, what am I doing to leave a lasting impression on the people I work with and the students I teach? I guess this was an answer to one of the questions. I dont know what I did or even said to make him not say what he wanted to say but thank God he didnt. I hear the language every day from my students which drives me crazy, which now when they say something they apologize for what they said. So here is a challenge for you. What impression are you leaving on the people you come in contact with? Can they tell you are different, a christian by what you say and your actions? The next time you hear a bad word, or some one uses God's name in vain I challenge you in a polite way to say some thing to them. I have multiple times made comments to students as well as adults about the language they use and I guess today it paid off because this teacher refrained from saying what he thought because I have christian ears.

What I think I am worth vs. What He thinks I am worth

2008-05-27T08:10:00.000-04:00

I just read this blog that made me think about how much God loves me and my worth to him. I can't even begin to comprehend that God loves and values me so much that he allowed the ultimate sacrifice of His Son so that I would be able to live with Him forever. This goes with part of a song that I have heard. " I am worth something to the King." Don't ever let someone tell you, you are worthless. Reminder yourself ever day that you are worth some thing to the King.

Matt 10:29-31 (nlt)

29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin[? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

Romans 5:7-8 (TM)

We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Breeze On My Face

2008-05-25T20:04:00.000-04:00

As I sit here writing the blog before this one there was a nice breeze that was blowing and I couldnt help but to the think and acknowledge that God is right here with me reading my blog over my shoulder. I am so grateful to serve a God that says He will never leave me now forsake me. Praise God that he is in control of every situation whether good or bad. Thank God for this day.

I pray for the men and women who are serving our country whether they are here in the United Sates or some where over seas. Thank you all you do. I pray that God will keep you safe and bring you home to your family. There are not enough words to express how grateful I am to you that serve for defending this country and our (my) freedom. God bless and may he keep you safe.

Distraught Teacher

2008-05-25T19:49:00.000-04:00

As most of you who read this know that I teacher high school students and then go to an after school program at an elementary school where I have second grade. Well, Friday after a while of being outside playing on the playground we decided to go inside and watch a movie. Not long after we had been inside my sister (who is the after school director also 5th grade teacher) came and pulled me into the teacher's lounge and this is what was said to me. "The cops are here as well as DCF doing an investigation on one of your second graders, she made a comment to her teacher that her Dad had beat her and so she called DCF this moring and now they are here." At that point I started to cry and my heart sunk for this child. I dont understand any of this. The next thing I know is that I was pulled into the office and questioned on things that I had noticed with the child which wasnt much. When I first walked down there I thought I cant do this, then I ask God to control the tears and emotions that I was feeling because if this was true action needed to be taken and quickly. As I was talking to the cop before I ever answered I think he could tell that I was a little upset about the situation; he says to be "I am not here to intimadate you or put words into your mouth we just want to know if you have noticed anything out of the ordinary." I felt better at that point. I know that every once in a while children do things to where they need to be punished but I saw a different side to punishiment this past week. I have heard about how children get beat and never really thought twice about it. As a teacher I never thought I would have to have dealt with this first hand either. I am the type of person that likes to fix things when they are broken or when some thing is wrong but there was nothing that I could do. My heart broke for this child once I heard later all the details. I pray that God will intervine and take care of this child. I dont know what else to say except please pray for this child and the family. There are two other children and pray as well that the mother will get things straight and not let the man back in the house that beat the child.

God help me to have compassion for the children that I come in contact with everyday. Give me the will to have a love for them the way you love them.
"Great thing have yet to come and great things are still to be done in this city" For some reason this song has been on my mind since this took place. I also pray that maybe God would help to reach out the this women and encourage her to go to church or at least share the love of God with her. Thank you for reading.

Getting out Of My Comfort Zone

2008-05-22T08:05:00.000-04:00

Last night Kevin taught on our Fuel for God and that this type of fuel is getting out of the comfort zone. Man, am I a person that really likes my comfort zone. When Kevin made the comment about remaining in our comfort zone is us being selfish, I was really convicted. I know at times I can be very selfish, but I dont want to be that way any more. God really showed me last night that He has more for my life than just this. I have to allow him to remove me from my comfort zone and do his will. It is more evident that God wants me to share the message with females about how much God loves them and that we need not focus on the physical or relationshups but rather focus on Him. As I have shared before about the vision God has given me I am now seeing that doors are slowly opening. I was talking to a friend just the other day about this and asking them to pray for me and I realized that I needed to seek more prayer and really ask God to open doors. I do feel that God is taking me out of my comfort zone and moving me to an area of ministry that is so not who I think I am. But isnt ministry doing what we never thought we could do. I have been challenged to allow God to take me out of my comfortzone. I challenge those that read this ask God to remove or take you out of your comfort zone. In the end it will be a Blessing.

Frustration/Strange Feeling

2008-05-20T08:59:00.000-04:00

On Sunday Steve Whitcomb preached on circumstances and the fact that God is in control and can change our circumstances instantly. I was reminded about a situation one of our members was in not too long ago. Back around Easter a friend was in the hospital sick (very sick) but one day God gave him a miracle and changed his circumstances. As I sat and listened to Mr. Steve I thought about Sean and how God brought him out of that, and I was so encouraged. So, this brings me to write this in my blog.

The last few days have some what been frustrating to me, I didnt understand why until now. My quiet time just wasnt what I thought or wanted it to be. I feel like I havent really focused on the word or gotten anything out of it. (I thought maybe I am just stressed with it being the end of the year and so much is going on.) Nope that is not it. Yesterday I got an email from a co-worker (speech guy) and he said he had a cd for if he remembered to bring it. Well, he is only here at Ed White for three days Wednesday - Friday. Today is Tuesday and I see him coming out of his office. He stated that he had stopped by to bring me the CD. It hit me then that my frustrations are nothing but myself. I am in awe again at how God works and knows just what I need. I very much a music person and I am so encouraged by his thoughtfulness. So, as I sit here typing this blog I am reminded of how God will put people in our paths to encourage, to challenge, to minister and so many other things. I am reminded of the vision that God gave me a while back and had to ask myself what am I doing to seek after this vision. I feel like my frustration and complacency is because I have stopped seeking God's vision and pursuing what he wants for me. Please pray with me a for me that I will continue to seek God's will and his vision for my life. I hope I am not alone is this feeling and that everyone every once in a while go through the same things.

God I ask that you show me your will in my life, help me to seek the vision that you have given me. I want my life to be a reflection of you. I hope that you allow me to be to some one what Sam was to me today, and encouragement and friend. Thank you for sending Christians into my life and path every day. I also pray for the young man that asked me for money on Saturday, allow him to continue to cross Christians and that if he is not saved show him your Grace and Mercy. Amen.

My kids are growing up.LOL :-(

2008-05-16T10:18:00.000-04:00

In our small groups Wednesday after the message Kaley and I were talking about how tings are quickly closing for the seniors. Wow, I cant believe they are grown. It seems like just yesterday that they entered into the youth. This is the first group that I saw come into the youth and are now graduating. I feel special to have been a part of this and to see each of you grow in so many different ways. (Ok the tears are starting to well up in my eyes) I cant begin to tell you how proud I am of each of you in so many different areas. I have seen excitement in your lives and I have seen disappointment as well but it doesnt end here. You have a life time ahead of you. Continue to allow God to be the focus of your life as well as allow him to guide your decisions. Here is a little something for each of you to read.

Thoughts about each of you:

Trey - Even though you think I dont like (which that is not true) I want you to know that you are such an encouraging person. I have seen you really grow over the last few years and I want you to know how proud I am of you. Keep living for God!

Micah - I have so many memories of you that all I can do is laugh at you. My first encounter with you was my first year at children's camp out in the hot tub and what you said to me. I still laugh to this day. You are very talented with your artistic ability, maybe one day I can tell people I personally know the artist of that picture. I was in awe at the pictures you painted for the easter production. You are so level headed and very laid back; you never let things bother you.

Chelsey - I dont think I have enough space for all that I could say about you. You are very talented with your drama and singing. Keep allowing God to use the gifts he has given you. You have a personality that will allow you to make friends easily where ever you are. Dont ever let someone tell you, you need to change. If there was one thing I could give you for graduation it would be a navigation system so that you wouldnt get lost any more. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the trip to Beal's Outlet. Love Ya!

Kaley - I am so proud of all that you have done and all that you have become. You are such an encouragement to me and you have kept me on my toes. I have enjoyed all these years of you being in my group. I look back and have so many memories of long talks, you and others telling me to move over because the gang is coming in (camp nights). Going to the refrigerator and telling me I have nothing for you to eat and then laughing at Chelsey because she is eating fruit instead of junk. Taking pictures of random things or you trying on clothes and getting me to take the picture. Telling me what I should wear for church. Making fun of me because I take multiple showers a day. I am truly blessed for having you in my group.

Justin - What a genius, I feel sometimes intimidated by you and your intelligence. I know that God has great things planned for you. I see you one day being a pastor, you are gifted with that. You have great ideas for drama and I hope to see them played out one day. Dont let anything or anyone keep you from doing what God has called you to do.

Hannah - You are such an inspiration. I am amazed at the memorization of scripture that you have. I wish I could memorize like that. You are such a wonderful person and you always have a good attitude about yourself and always carry a smile. I wish all the best in your future.

kelsey - Wow, what a beautiful young lady you have become. I remember your first night in the youth, you sat next to Jeff and didnt say a word. You are a very talented and inspiring young lady keep working hard for all that you want in life. A memory that I have of you is you being so gassy,,,,That was probably my second experience with you. You are such a dare devil always willing to try anything. Continue to be courageous. I will miss you!

I love you all as if you were my own. I will pray for you all. I wish you all the best of luck and pray that God will continue to bless each and every one of you. Please know that just because you are going into college and career that I have stopped being there for you, I will always be here for what ever you need. Congratulations.

Love you,
Jenny

Amazing Grace

2008-05-15T12:07:00.000-04:00

Monday evening I had gotten a phone call from my mom regarding some bad news. I was really taken back; I didn't know what to say. When I hung up the phone my heart broke. Jana (Bubba's girl friend) and Lindsay (Jana's sister) had gotten news earlier in the day that both of their grandparents had passed away. Knowing that the grandmother had been dealing with cancer I couldn't believe what I was told. What is murder suicide? I couldn't bring myself to call either one of them because I know how I am and I didn't want to make things worse for them. So, I sent a text and told them that I was here for what ever they needed and that I loved them. The next morning when I got to work I check the news from yesterday to see exactly what happened. I don't want to go into detail about it but it was a murder suicide. My heart sunk, what do you say, how to you comfort. Well, I know that I just needed to show them that I was there for whatever they needed and let them know how much I care for them. Tommy Mallard did the service and it was awesome. God gave him just the right words to say. I believe that if Dennis and Sandy were believers in God then they are in heaven. I can only trust in what God words says.

I don't do well at funerals especially when they play Amazing Grace. Yes, it was played and the only thing that I could think of was Mama (my grandmother) being there to welcome them when they got to heaven. I cried for Jana and Lindsay and the fact that they are dealing with this. I pray that God would give them comfort and peace through all of this. God's grace is amazing and sufficient. I remember what helped me get through the passing of my grandmother and that is "To be absent from the body it to be present with the Lord" I do pray that Jana, Lindsay and their family can find comfort in those words.

Lesson Learned Emotional Banking

2008-05-09T16:45:00.000-04:00

On Wednesday I had workshop that I attended off school campus. During the training one of the instructors asked if we had ever heard of the emotional banking system. Ok, I must say I found this a little odd until she explained what it was. Here is the explanation of emotional banking.

Like in a real banking situation you are making deposits and withdraws but in a different way and definitely not using money. This is dealing with students (people). Before you can ever make a withdraw you have to invest in the student or person. Be encouraging, be kind, share kind words, and be a positive influence f or them. THe withdraw is explaining life lessons or maybe you don't agree with some thing they did or just letting them know they are wrong. Once I realized what she was talking about I understood and it all made sense to me. This is how I want to be with my students at work as well as at church. I want to make investments in their lives so that when some things develops (and it will) I have the relationship that will allow me to be real with the students. I want my students to know that I care about them and want to see them succeed in what ever they are doing. ( as long as it is legal)

How are you investing in the lives of those around you? I challenge those reading this to practice this emotional banking system and let me know how it works. You will have a different relationship with the people you come in contact with whether it be from teaching, pastoring, parenting, marriage, dating, and all other friendships developed. I look forward to hearing how you have experienced emotional banking.

Teacher appreciation week!

2008-05-09T10:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this week is teacher appreciation week in which administration and students do things for teachers to say thanks. I was a little bummed on Wednesday because I had training off school grounds and this was the day the school provided lunch for hte teachers. I was feeling a little left out and unappreciated. :-( I had a little pitty party for myself. This morning when I went to my teacher mailbox to get the things I needed for the day I had a letter from a student. Here is what is read: "Dear Ms. Smith I am just writing this letter to say thank you for being my teacher this year. I know that you pushed us hard becasue you cared about us. You taught me that life was not going to be easy. Plus that you have to work hard to get far in this world. So I am just writing you to say thank you for all your help." After I read that I thought how stupid of me to have felt the way that I felt. I was so appreciative of this student. It made my day. I know that teaching is my calling in life and I love my students even when they drive me to think I need counseling. (Those that know what and who I teacher will understand that comment.)I thank God everyday that he has giving me the ability to teach and care for students the way I do. Without Him I never would have done this. I pray for my students all the time because I know that most of them have a rough home life. I know I have students that are lost and dont believe or believe but dont have a relationship with God. I hope that I am an example to them of the love the God has for them. So

So to all the teachers out in the world, thank you for what you do. One day we will see the lives that we touch and encourage every day.

Unequally Yoked

2008-05-02T09:34:00.000-04:00

How do you explain to some one that a believer should not date a non-believer? I have tried to explain that I am not willing to compromise what God has planned for me or wants for me just so I can have a boyfriend or the title of being some ones girlfriend. Because of who I am in Christ that person who is an unbeliever does not have the right to call me his girlfriend. (I will explain that later.) The word states in 2Corinthians6:14 Do not be yoked together with the unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wiskedness have in common? Or wha fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said; "I will live with them and walk among them, and iwill be their God, and they will be my people." 17 " Therefore come out from them and be seperate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." (NIV) Now this does not mean that we cant be friends with them and tell them about God and show them love. It does however mean that we should not date/marry a person that is not saved. There are a lot of people in this world that are good people but without God as their savior their thought process is and should be different from what I or any other Christian thinks. I go back to the lesson we just finished on Wednesday about the Venti Life and how to live the Venti Life and that is to be OBEDIENT. I by no means perfect my for the time I am here on this earth I will through Christ do the best that I can to live an obedient life. I want to experience the VENTI LIFE. John 10:10 I have come that you may have life and that you may have it more abundantly. In the end I pray that we all see what God is saying and why God is saying that we should not be with some one that is not yoked with an unbeliever.

Kids!Students!

2008-05-01T12:10:00.000-04:00

So most you know that I am a teacher at Ed White High school and there are over 2,000 students that attend the school. I must say that this is a dark place. Today during third period all of my student were out on a field trip so I really didnt have a class during this time. I ended up having two students in my room that I dont even know one of which was just asking for a band aid and I figured that they would go back to class. They began to talk to me and tell about their friends here at school. I found out that they are friends with one of the students of PLBC and then a bother of another one of our students. I began to ask them why they didnt go to church. The brother stated that he had been to PLBC before a few weeks ago and began to name some of the students that attend.(I didn't believe him at first) They started telling me that they dont go to church because one time they went a supposedly got arrested while they were there. Wonder what they were up to? Well, I continued to talk to them trying to figure out a few things about them and then I told them that they needed to go to church to get their life right. Maybe that wasnt the best comment to make but it was and is true. I do hope that they will go to church maybe even PLBC. Just the few minutes that they spent in my room I heard a lot of bad stories about what they have done.(Blows my mnd to know that kids really do that stuff, pretty bad) They are friends with one student that I have been praying for since the beginning of the school year. So, now I add these two boys to my prayer list. Of course I pray for the entire school but I do have specifics that I pray for. So tonight as we meet up at starbucks I now have two more people to pray for. It is wierd that the year is almost over and these two boys came into my room, God is up to something and I cant wait to see what it is. There is nothing accidental or coincidental about God. I pray that God will continue to use me in every area whether it be as a teacher, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a grandchild, a niece or any other title that I take on; give me the ability to let your light shine so that people may see you Jesus in me.

Rainbows

2008-04-28T20:49:00.000-04:00

Today as it rained I thought how awesome it would be to see a rainbow. A little after 7pm I was turning down the street to go home and I saw a rainbow. At that time I was reminded of all the promises God has made and just how awesome God is. The one main promise that I was reminded of is the promise of his return. What an awesome day that will be. I look forward to the day that I stand before God and hear "well done good and faithful servant." I hope that those of you reading this will be able to hear the same thing. Are you aware of the promises of God? Are you ready to face the creator of this world or are you afraid of what will be said to you in return?Or maybe you are ashamed of what you will be asked about the disbelief in your life? I can tell you how to not be afraid of that day. The God of this Universe wants to spend eternity with you. He loves you so much that he allowed his son to pay our pentalty.

National Day of Prayer

2008-04-28T09:39:00.000-04:00

May the 1st is the National day of prayer. I have told several people that I would like to get a group together to meet up at StarBucks on Roosevelt and pray together. I figured since everyone likes coffee it would be a great place to meet and pray together. Here are some thing that I am and will be praying for. Please be in prayer with me about these topics and concerns. Thank you.

Our Nation
The men and women serving our country in Irag and other places
The elections coming up in November
The Economy (rising prices)
Schools (particular students where I teach)
God's vision on Image lesson (don have a particular name for it yet)
Our Youth PLBC
Youth Camp
Children's Camp
Lost Friends and Family

I plan on being there around 7:30pm looking forward to a great prayer time together.

Everlasting

2008-04-25T11:12:00.001-04:00

On Wednesday I was listening to a song we were playing during worship and it became a prayer for me. Here are the lyrics to Everlasting by Hillsong.

A thousand times I've failed
still your mercy remains
and should I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul Lord I give you control consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise become my embrace to love you from the inside out.

I pray that my life is a reflection of this song.

Red Birds

2008-04-23T12:19:00.000-04:00

A little over a year ago I was dealing with an issue (singleness) and really wanted a sign from that God I would not be single for the rest of my life. Around February of 2007 I started praying I would know that God wasn't going to let me be single for ever so I asked God to show me a red bird. I must say that I didn't see this bird instantly it took some time. I can tell you to this day (4-23-08) I have seen many red birds. The first time I saw the red bird I was on a mission trip (in Georgia helping fix up a church) with the youth of my church. We were outside sitting at a table when across the way I saw the red bird. I was reminded at that point of what I had been praying for as well as the promises that God had made for his Children. That day I knew that God wasn't going to let me be single for ever. The next time I saw the red bird I was at the beach on vacation and the bird flew over me while I was sitting by the pool. (Now how many times do you see a red bird at the beach) Just a few weeks ago I was taking one of my girls home from church and just as she was getting out of the car I saw a red bird fly in front of my car. Then when I was at a retreat with our youth I saw three red birds, thanks Chelsea for pointing them out to me. Then yesterday I was driving down the road to my house and I saw another red bird. I was so excited. Not only does this remind me of the promises God has made but it also reminds me that God is in control and I need to trust Him and wait for His time. God knows what he is doing and will provide just the right man for my life that will compliment and support me the way a godly man should.

Vision

2008-04-22T09:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I have decided to share the vision that God has given me so that people who know me or read this can be praying for me and with me on this. So here is goes. Last month we took our youth on a weekend retreat "Look" which was to discuss purity. I didnt want to use the same lesson I had done before on this so I wanted some different thoughts. Kevin (PLBC youth pastor) gave me some direction to go in. He told me to talk about image and how we are viewed then he gave me three topics and it all dealt with how we dress, how we are viewed and how God views us. My main vocus was for the girls to see that society should not dictate to us how we should look. God created us and he loves us just the way we are. Of course I went into much greater detail. (maybe one day I will post my notes) So here is where the vision comes into play. After that lesson I was beside myself as to how God moved and showed up for the lesson and took over. It was awesome, I told Kevin I was on a high after that. So, I knew that God wanted to do more with that and said that it would be great if I could share this with my brothers youth in Lake City. Well, the weekend of passion came and the first night I was sitting there I felt as though God was saying Jenny this is what I want for you, a large crowd, you on stage and sharing with women how God views them. My first thought yeah right. Me infront of hundereds of people will never happen much less thousands, no way God. The second night the vision was clear God was telling me and showing me that he wants this message to go further. I dont know if it is me that will be teaching the lesson or me being used to help promote the lesson, not sure but I am open to what ever God wants me to do with this. So, prayerfully I will be updating this blog to share how God is moving this vision. My prayer is that I will not hinder God in this, if it is me that he wants to share this message then by all means God use my mouth to teach this lesson. One more thing, the last night I did see myself standing on the stage infront of the crowd telling them how much God loves them. That was very scary for me. So many things have invisioned my brain on this whole idea. Hear are the others, t-shirt design, band,theme song, traveling, contact people. I am not creative but God is and he is giving me the thoughts to continue this vision. I want to be used by God.

Discontent

2008-04-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I met two friends for lunch and I hadnt seen one of them in a few months. As we were sitting there at lunch discussing what all was happening in our lives Monique asked me why the discontent. I was taken off guard by her statement. Me discontent, no I am good. The more we talked and the more she listened she asked again "Jenny why are you discontent?" I really didnt know what to say because I didnt think I was. I began talking to her about my passion weekend and then briefly started to tell her about the vision God was showing me (but I didnt go into detail yet). She began asking me some question so I finally told her the entire vision. She was speechless as was my other friend Holly who knows that this is way out of my comfort zone. Monique started to tell me how the process was going and what my next steps were, I told her that I didnt know the process or the next step that I was waiting to see what God was going to do next. After we left lunch her comment to me of discontent rang through my head. Am I discontent and why? Maybe it was my tone or that fact that I havent felt 100% since I got home from passion. As I was working out in the yard again I started to pray and ask God if I was discontent and if so then show me why and how to move on. I felt like God was showing me not only during the prayer time but also with Monique and Holly that I was discontent with myself in that I have not been doing anything about the vision that God has given me. Yes, I need to wait on him but He wants us to put the feet to our prayer at times. I am reminded of a conversation I had with my brother and the verse that he gave me was Matthew 7: 7-12 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how t give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets."

I will continue to seek God about this and knock and see what doors are open. If God continues to give me this vision then doors will be open in areas that will move this vision into reality

Worship in all ways.

2008-04-18T13:18:00.000-04:00

I know people are going to think that I am a little strange but oh well, hopefully you will understand where I am coming from. Last night when I got home from work I decided that I would mow the yard or at least part of it since it is fairly large. So, I got out the lawn mower and then put the head phones on. At first I really wasnt listening to the music because I was really wanting to get most of it done before it got dark. As I moved to the center part of the yard I really started to listen to the words of the song. Many times I listen to music and sing along (sorry for those who can hear me I know it sounds horrible) but never really HEAR the words to the song. Last night I heard the words. I was really worshiping out on the lawn mower. Strange I know but it was good. I started praying that the worship that I experienced at Passion would over flow into my everyday life. I dont want to be caught up with the concern of who is around me or what they think of me. I want to know that I can experience worship with raised hands if I am moved to do so and not be concerned that people are going to look at me strange or think that I am wierd. Can you worship without worry about what people think? If not let me share this with you. God should be our only concern and audience. I sing for an audience of one which is God, I dont need to worry about what other people think of me. True worship is an awesome experience that we should have every day. I Chornicles 16:29. " Ascribe to the LORD the glory due His name; Bring an offering, and come before Him; Worship the LORD in holy array.

The Pope is visiting.

2008-04-16T06:51:00.000-04:00

So, this morning as I am getting dressed I turn on the news to see what the weather is going to be like since it is so different every day almost. The news reporter started talking about the visit of the Pope and how it is his first ever trip to the U.S., then it switched over to another reporter and she called him holy father. The only Holy Father that I know is God himself not some Pope Benedict (I think is his name). I know that there are people in this world that do not believe the same as I do and probably dont even believe; I fear for them one day. There is a Holy Father and he is in Heaven waiting and preparing a place for his children. There are so many people in the united stated that are so excited about the pope being here for a visit, I pose this question to myself; " Am I as excited about the return of Jesus". I pray that I am more excited because the return of Christ means so much more than just a simple visit from the pope. This really encourages me to witness more to people that I come in contact with. There is a lost world out there and if I (we) dont share the gospel with them then hell will become a very real place to them one day. If you are reading this and you are not sure of your salvation and who your Holy Father is, please post a comment and ask me some questions I would love to share how much God loves you. Have a great day.

Notes of the weekend.

2008-04-15T09:59:00.000-04:00

I know I have already posted about this past weekend but I really want those that read this to understand how awesome this was.

Friday night: Discussion on theology - what we believe in. What do you believe in? If someone was to ask you to explain your faith could you do with it? We need to know what we believe not what we have been taught. So many people talk about what they were taught when they grew up, this is what my pastor says. People get off the couch and research for yourself and make a stand for what you believe in. I believe God the father created this universe and everything in it, there is no other god but God himself. He himself becam man so that I one day may live in eterniy with him. He bore the sins of the world so that I can be His princess.
There was also talk about being a match for God and that our match needs to be joined to His flame. Let our match burn longer than 5 seconds.

Saturday session 1: Statement - " I can have the biggest and best churc without God" Francis Chan was talking about how he has done tihngs in his church and how it was good and all but it wasnt the way God really wanted it done. Do you get the glory fow what you are doing or for what you do does it glorify God? Think about it for a second, yes we can do good things but who is being glorified you or God. I know that I can do nothing apart from God. I hope and pray that anything and everything I do glorifies God and that people will see Jesus in me. Access the Holy Spirit. It is there but do w always allow it to work.

Two statements that were made that stuck out to me: The spirit that raised Jesus from the dead now lives inside me. I am a temple of the Holy Spirit.

Saturday session 2: Big time trouble. Suffering and hardship can not snuff out God's mission. This goes back to the story about the college girl and her friend she calls fruit cake. She had some problems in her life but then ended up with a room mate that was a christian. By the end of the story the girl had gotten saved but then a few months later was killed in a car accident. Her dad is an anthiest and has now being asking questions about God. Bad situation when your child is killed at the age of 22, absolutely. Can God use that for good, of course. God can use the worse situation and use it for good.

Saturday session 3: Silience is golden was my thought. I wish I had the words to write out for you but I dont. Just think of it like this. You and 9,500 people sitting in an arena reading words of God's love in complete silence. I have never prepared myself for worship or a message like that before. I think I will start doing this from now on. Wait and listen for the still small voice and getting rid of the noise.

I hope you all enjoy.

Passion

2008-04-14T09:06:00.000-04:00

Friday a groupd of us headed to Atlanta for Passion. I have experienced this before but a lot smaller group, so I really was excited to see what was going to happen and how God was going to move. Friday evening was the first session. Chris Tomlin lead worship and Louie Giglio was the speaker. He told a story about a young girl that went to UF and lived with the girl she called a fruit cake because she was a Christain. The story went on to talk about her relationships and lack of relationship with God. Fruit cake was a person that did not hold the things she did against her. She was showing God's love to her, how amazing it is to see this being done. At the end of the message I realized that I needed to be out there with people that are lost. Not meaning going to clubs, or anything like that. Just mean that I need to make myself more available to my friends that are lost and show them how much God loves them by not being judgemental, or condemning. I walked away from this night saying how awesome God was and how greatful I was that he spoke to me this way.

Saturday morning service: Franis Chan spoke about the Holy spirit and how it is available to us but do we actually grab hold. I again realize that I have not fully allowed the Holy spirit to work. I had a vision of a few things that I think God is trying to show me about ministry and service and it is blowing my mind. If this is God, wow he is really doing and changing a lot of things about me and what I am use to. Removing my comfort zone and steping out in faith. Later I will share details as to what God is speaking to me about.

Saturday evening we were asked to enter in silence. It was amazing. I tried to reflect back on the past few messages and focus on what God was going to do in that service. At the start of the session there were words that rolled through telling us how much God loves us, how much he cares about us and what he did for us. It was absolutely amazing. 9,500 people sitting in silence and worshipping together. I was blown away. Yes, it brought me to tears. I have a lot to take away from this weekend and I look forward to seeing what God is going to continue to do with what he showed me over the weekend.

God is AWESOME!

Passion

2008-04-10T10:23:00.000-04:00

I am so excited. Louie Giglio is one of my favorite speakers and I actually get to go listen to him this weekend in Atlanta. The only bad thing is I lost my voice on monday and it has prgressively gotten worse. I have never had a voice for singing but I really dont have a voice now. I hope that God will allow me to worship without a voice. LOL I know he will. I am really looking forward to what God is going to show me this weekend. I have had several good moments with God these past few weeks, I know he will continue that. I cant wait to post about it either while I am gone or when I get back but you will have all the details. Passion Here I Come!

Host Home

2008-04-10T10:11:00.001-04:00

I was a little nervous being a host home for our missionaries that we coming into town. I wasnt sure how well we would get along and exactly what I needed to do for them. Thursday a week ago is when they came into town. I met them at the church and then Robbie, Kyle, Ben and Ching (I think is how you spell his name) went back to my house for dinner, nothing special just pizza. The night ended fairly early because they were tired. As the time progressed with them being in town I realized on Sunday that I really hadnt spent that much time with them or taken the time to get to know them. I told Saralee on Sunday evening how awesome God is that he one allowed me to open my home for them to stay in and two that he brought people from half way around the world that ministered to me, arent I the one that should be going to ministering to them was my thought. So, after church I really got to see alot of their individual personalities. Filipino rednecks is what I called it. It was so funny, I am still laughing about it. It was an experience I will never forget and friends I will never loose contact with. God works in awesome ways. I was sad to see them leave on Tuesday but I look forward to talking with them and hearing what God is doing in and through them. Adoration is you read this God bless you. may he keep you safe in all you do forhim. It was an honor to meet you. Mel and Shen thanks for being my roommates for a few days, I miss you already. Saralee, never thought I would be praying about missions but I am starting to pray about where and what God wants me to do.